Quotes Of The Week For Jan. 24, 2016

"It's not just good to be different. It's better to be different."

Mr. Robot star Rami Malek offers up a perfect bit of wisdom during his acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Drama Series

"You can't expect me to avoid talking to my own wife!"

"Why not? I know several couples who are perfectly happy. Haven't spoken in years."

Violet (Maggie Smith), suggesting that Robert (Hugh Bonneville) avoid getting involved in the hospital debate

"[Alex] is actually a lovely woman. If anything, it was my narcissism and ill-kempt facial hair that ruined any chances I had with her.... Getting so soundly rejected has caused me to question many of my life choices."

J'onn J'onzz aka Hank (David Harewood) gets in some digs at Maxwell Lord (Peter Facinelli), while masquerading as him

"You look like a '70s vagina with eyes."

Ms. Snap (Katy Colloton) pulls no punches when it comes to Ms. Feldman's untweezed eyebrows

"I have zero ball-handling skills. [beat] That sounds really terrible."

Yes, Lauren H. Yes, it does — even if you were referring to soccer balls

"Granted, Kevin's a mundane name. But 'Kilgrave'? Talk about obvious. Was 'Murdercorpse' already taken?"

Jessica (Krysten Ritter) taunts her captive about his heavy-handed choice of pseudonym

"I think we found the next target for our thirtysomething metahuman not-a-ninja turtle."

"How long did it take you to come up with that one?"

"It just came out of my mouth. Did you see that? It was amazing."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) is quick to quip about a slow foe

"Edie is pretty, and they want to give her money for it. Why would you stand in the way of that? Did anyone try to stop Neil Armstrong from going into space? Did they try to stop Martin Luther King, Jr. from bringing racial equality to this great country that I call America?"

"Yes! A lot of people tried to stop him! You should really see Selma!"

Gerald (Josh Peck) doesn't want his daughter anywhere near the modeling industry... but he might be more disgusted with Jimmy's (John Stamos) lack of history knowledge

"Men and women do not kiss cheeks in greeting. No touching of the heads or feet. And in the presence of the elderly, don't spit."

"I can't make any promises. I just can't."

Nadine (Bebe Neuwirth) briefs Elizabeth (Téa Leoni) on protocol during their Myanmar trip

"I am not surprised that prison has changed Teresa for the better, just in terms of being a human being. But the problem is, Housewives shows aren't for human beings — they're for animals and savages."

Wendy weighs in on Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice's difficulties in returning to her tempestuous Bravo reality series

"Are the players married to the cheerleaders? Do you think their families are mad 'cause they work on Sundays? Uh, look at those grass stains! Who washes those pants?! Aren't we all Patriots?"

Beverly (Wendi McLendon-Covey) has a lot of questions about the football game, much to her husband's annoyance

"They eat avocados — with everything. The foliage is preposterous. Take the palm tree. Would you trust the structural integrity of such a thing? They afford no shade!"

Jarvis (James D'Arcy) has issues with Los Angeles, clearly

"A researcher at Cambridge University said that for Spider-Man to be able to scale buildings in real life, he would need size 114 feet to get enough traction to climb up walls. Then the researcher looked up and his Tinder date was gone."

"You sure it's a good idea to leave these two unsupervised, on a time machine?"

"Hey, Haircut! Deafness wasn't one of the [time travel] side effects."

Mick (Dominic Purcell) burns pretty boy Ray (Brandon Routh)

"Um, if I can pick up the tenors of primal human needs — Ralph, cover your ears — Rahal is about to take Sabina to the naughty room."

Toby (Eddie Kaye Thomas) tries to run surveillance within earshot of a rugrat

"If you give him a kid he's even vaguely fond of, our days of paying off credit cards with credit cards are over!"

"Mom! My uterus is not your 401k."

"It could be, if Fred makes a deposit."

Bonnie (Allison Janney) lobbies for Christy (Anna Faris) to have a kid with her rich, new, older beau

"You have to learn how to read cards."

Miss Colombia Ariadna Gutierrez teases the eponymous host when he asks how she felt about him erroneously announcing her as Miss Universe — then revoking her title minutes later

"Goodbye, friend zone! Hello, end zone!"

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It's like a sports metaphor for sex."

"That's why you're not getting any."

Otis (Yuri Sardarov) gets some dating advice from Dawson (Monica Raymund)

"Ohh, that's pretty. You take voice lessons?"

Anarky (Alexander Calvert) gets an earful of the Canary Cry

"Dad, I need a job. I need to finance my art."

"What art?"

"The art of living!"

Marissa (Sarah Steele) makes the case for nepotism to her dad Eli (Alan Cumming)

"He just Bo-and-Luke'd that. Sweet."

Kono (Grace Park) busts out an '80s TV reference to commend Steve's hood-hopping skills

"I move to LA. Solve crimes."

Lucifer's (Mark Pellegrino) plan for what he's going to do after he defeats The Darkness sure sounds like a reference to Fox's Lucifer