Quotes Of The Week For Jan. 6, 2019

76TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES

"Crazy Rich Asians is nominated tonight for Best Picture, Musical or Comedy. It is the first studio film with an Asian-American lead since Ghost in the Shell and Aloha."

[off-screen] "I'm sorry!"

Emma Stone makes a formal (but, sadly, off-camera) apology for appearing in the film Aloha as a half-Asian character

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Let's talk about that catchphrase for a moment: 'The wall is coming,' in Game of Thrones font. I can understand why Trump loves that Game of Thrones wall, because the only walkers who got through were white."

THE BACHELOR

"Colton, I heard you were drowning in some bitches!"

Onyeka, snorkel and all, interrupts Colton's chat with new villain Catherine

NCIS

"If you aren't afraid to look dorky, I can show you around."

"It's impossible for me to look dorky." 

Get back to us, Torres (Wilmer Valderrama), after you have on the hard hat and protective bib

I'M SORRY

"You've lost all perspective. It's like if you were married to a chef. After a while, you stop appreciating the culinary skill and you just think, 'Oh, yeah, everyone cooks this well.' Because I'll tell you what: Most people in the world cook hot dogs, and I f—k like a champ."

Andrea (Andrea Savage) thinks husband Mike is underestimating her hypothetical value as a prostitute

VANDERPUMP RULES

"My dude is an ass man. He's also a vagina man, a tit man... he's just a man."

Lala's "dude" likes every one of her body parts equally

BOB'S BURGERS

"It's a familiar smell, but also somehow exotic. Like going to a mall... in a different town."

Teddy (Larry Murphy), getting a whiff of the essential oil Linda had dabbed on

GOOD TROUBLE

"Art and law seem like worlds apart. What's that one quote — law is reason free from passion."

"I guess everyone saw Legally Blonde."

Callie (Maia Mitchell) calls out Gael (Tommy Martinez) on his inadvertent movie reference

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT (Bonus Quote!)

"I'd like to think our boys are still going to be friends after we're gone."

"Pfft, we don't go anywhere. [beat] Oh. You mean death? Bring it on. I stopped going to funerals, I get so jealous."

Peggy (Mary McCormack) has no fear of the Grim Reaper

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"More importantly, how on Earth is Eddie more loved than me?! I practically worship the woman!"

"Probably weirds her out. I, on the other hand, play hard to get."

"With your mom? Yeah, that's not weird at all."

Peggy's latest scheme — ranking her sons in order of how much she loves them — sparks debate between Frank (Sawyer Barth) and Eddie (Caleb Foote)

THE ORVILLE

"You know, it's places like this that make me realize: God, I'm trash. My family is trash."

Gordon (Scott Grimes) is really, really, really humbled by Xelaya's grandeur

SINGLE PARENTS

"I know what you're doing. I've seen two Law & Orders."

Emma (Mia Allan) isn't falling for Angie's interrogation tactics

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"Don't worry, I'm not listening to you. I'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold, but not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness."

"Ah, damn it. I just ordered the sea bass."

A depressed Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) ruins dinner for Jake (Andy Samberg)

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"It's time to celebrate. You know what that means: This B needs a C in her A."

"Oh my God!"

"This babe needs a coconut in her arms."

"Ohhhhh. I thought you were saying, 'This [bleep] needs a [bleep] in her [bleep].'"

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah, that was my reaction!"

Amy (Melissa Fumero) and Jake (Andy Samberg) have an extremely dirty misunderstanding

GOTHAM

"If you were trying to help this park flourish, it would be full of beauty and color. Instead it smells of death." 

"It's a work in progress."

Bruce (David Mazouz) questions Ivy's (Peyton List) green thumb

FAM

"I wanted to wear something nice, so I grabbed this old thing."

"It's a Christian Dior."

"Who cares what religion it is?"

It looks like 'family' isn't the only label on which Shannon (Odessa Adlon) and Clem (Nina Dobrev) disagree

CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

"God, women. Can't... say adages about them anymore."

Though he's reeling from a bad relationship, Greg (Skylar Astin) is still careful not to generalize about the opposite sex

THE GOOD PLACE

"Yeah, man, we're refugees. What kind of messed-up place would turn away refugees?"

Jason (Manny Jacinto)... actually makes a pretty great point for once