Quotes Of The Week For March 8, 2020

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from March 8 through March 14, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

ELITE (Episode 1)

"When I see him now, all I can think about is how much the jerk looks like Harry Potter."

Rebeca (Claudia Salas) is totally over Samuel

THE FLASH

"This wasn't Turtle. This... was Turtle 2."

"[Barry is silent for a moment] Sorry, I was just waiting for you to come up with a better name."

"No, it's Turtle 2. Less is more."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) knows when to play the name game

THE ROOKIE

"Looks like that's where the statue was."

"You're going to make a great detective."

Jackson (Titus Makin Jr.) discovers a large concrete clue!

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BLACK LIGHTNING

"You have been on this planet for the blink of an eye! I am 100 years old."

"Maybe that's why you're so negative and grouchy."

Did Jennifer (China Anne McClain) just say, "OK, boomer" to Gravedigger (Wayne Brady)?

BLACK LIGHTNING (Bonus Quote!)

"Get off my block!"

Lala (William Catlett) has no patience for the Markovian boots on his ground

THE WENDY WILLIAMS SHOW

"They're saying asthma is a thing! And anybody over 50! Why am I here?!"

Wendy stumbles into an existential crisis while discussing how the Coronavirus has led Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune (with their hosts of certain ages) to film without their usual studio audiences

THE WALKING DEAD

"It's a special kinda peculiar to hanker for a kiss from someone you've never met, isn't it?"

Eugene (Josh McDermitt), surprised to find that his feelings for radio girlfriend Stephanie preclude him from kissing longtime crush Rosita

THE WALKING DEAD (Bonus Quote!)

"I thought you wanted them to join us."

"They will... as part of my horde."

"Holy s—t... you are a badass."

Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), expressing his surprise to learn that Alpha (Samantha Morton) wants the Hilltoppers undead, not alive

THE BACHELOR

"Obviously, family's important. It's massively important. So, Barb, how do we turn the page and give this a shot together?"

"Chris, he's gonna have to fail to succeed. That's it."

Peter's mom, Barbara, makes it crystal clear that she does not support a relationship between her son and Madison (and things worked out in her favor, apparently)

ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST

"Emily and I aren't really the tightest. She's kind of acerbic, I'm kind of standoffish..."

"You two would be great in a female cop show."

Mo (Alex Newell) can already envision the series based on Zoey's (Jane Levy) relationship with her sister-in-law

FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE

"God, I wish I could high-five someone right now, but we're out of hand sanitizer!"

Coronavirus takes all the fun out of celebrating Harvey Weinstein's prison sentence

THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON

"There's no one there and it's still too loud."

Fallon acknowledges just how weird it was for Whoopi Goldberg to enthusiastically greet an audience of empty chairs on ABC's The View, after the decision was made to forgo studio audiences due to coronavirus

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

"These are the five stages of coronavirus. First, you have denial: 'I'm not going to get the coronavirus. Only old people, Chinese people and people on cruise ships get that.' Second, anger: 'Why isn't there any toilet paper at Target? Is everybody nuts?' Then bargaining: 'All right, there's no Purell. Maybe I'll make my own hand sanitizer with Jergens and vodka.' But next comes depression: 'I can't believe they cancelled Coachella. I'm not gonna get to see Carly Rae Jepsen for a year now!' And finally, acceptance, which is, 'Hey, you know what? If I die, maybe I'll get to meet Prince.'"

GREY'S ANATOMY

"I wanted to write you a song, but I can't write songs as fast as I needed to come here and tell you... I don't want to live without you... You're the only person that makes me feel all the things that I thought I was too smart or too damaged to feel. You make me want to write love songs in the rain! You make me want to be a parent, and I don't give a crap whose baby it is!... I fell in love with you, Amelia, and I fell in love with this baby, and that is what matters to me."

"So you wanna do this, even if he isn't yours?"

"I do."

"I really needed to hear that, because I got the results... and he is yours. But you've still gotta write me that song!"

A profession of unconditional love from Link (Chris Carmack) is rewarded with a revelation of paternity by Amelia (Caterina Scorsone)

GOOD GIRLS

"OK, I can see where this is going, so just gonna cut it off at the pass. I tried to seduce my therapist. OK? Like, sexually. Bone town. He straight up rejected me, so I went home alone, drank a lethal amount of Goldschläger and fell asleep in a pile of my own Cheetos dust. So, if you want to rip me a new one for being four minutes late, you go right ahead, but I'm not going to feel any worse than I already do." 

Annie (Mae Whitman), detailing her failed hook-up attempt to Beth and Ruby

SURVIVOR

"Wendell right now is sending me the 'You up?' text and I just want to be like, 'New season, who dis?'" 

Michele explains the ups and downs of playing the game with ex-boyfriend Wendell

HAWAII FIVE-0

"So I'm guessing Rey-Rei is now official?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know — Rey, and Reigns. Rey-Rei. Got it?"

"Please don't make that a thing."

"No promises."

Oh, it is a thing, Tani (Meaghan Rath)!

SEAL TEAM

"So you're telling me that she straight-up, John Cusack/Say Anything'd you on your doorstep?" 

Sonny (AJ Buckley) likens the Clay/Stella sitch to an '80s movie

THE UNICORN

"Let me ask you something, Ben — do you like college girls?"

"OK, look, I don't know what you think you saw, but you go to these sports sites and these windows just pop up! You don't even have to do anything."

Michelle (Maya Lynne Robinson) tries to tell Ben (Omar Benson Miller), in a "sexy way," that she is returning to school

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"Why not just tell your dad the truth?"

"Ohhh, why not just tell him the truth! Um, OK, why don't I just tell my megalomaniac dad that his little girl is a slave to the whims of children, and is shtupping an Eagle Scout! That sounds amazing."

Well, when you put it that way, Nora (Courtney Ford)....

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW (Bonus Quote!)

"Brexit!!!"

Damien Darhk (Neal McDonough) sends Brit Constantine flying

DEVS

"Why do male techs always feel the need to caricature themselves? Step one: Create a new technology that reinvents nature of human existence. Step two: Use it for porn."

Katie (Alison Pill) catches Stewart and Lyndon "analyzing the soundwave data" for "the celebrity sex tape to end all celebrity sex tapes" — Marilyn Monroe with Arthur Miller