Quotes Of The Week For March 10, 2019

VANDERPUMP RULES

"On my first date with Carter, he offered that I could sleep in his bedroom. He'd sleep on the couch. And I get to his house, and there's no f—king couch... So I had sex with him in his kitchen."

Kristen recounts her fairy-tale first date with boyfriend Carter

THE BACHELOR

"Do you think that's really what it is? Like, honestly, do you think that Tayshia and Hannah being a part of this... is what was holding [Cassie] back?"

"I think so."

"What if the bottom line is, she's just not that into you?"

Host Chris Harrison has a brutally honest question for Colton, who is not yet ready to give up on a relationship with Cassie

THE PASSAGE (Bonus Quote!)

"More virals depletes the human blood supply you need to survive. It doesn't make sense. Why do it? Why make more?"

"I don't know. Why does anyone have kids?"

Fanning (Jamie McShane) has a very flip answer for Lear's (Henry Ian Cusick) very good question

THE PASSAGE

"OK. How do I look?"

"Like a badass."

Amy (Saniyya Sidney) shows off her new braids for Brad (Mark-Paul Gosselaar), who heartily approves

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"Latvian Shark Tank is all nude.... there's no female sharks, so it's just four Mr. Wonderfuls naked on a big leather couch."

You can thank Nikolaj's biological father Gintars (Ike Barinholtz) for that horrifying mental image

CORPORATE

"Between gun violence, extreme weather, psychotic world leaders and good old-fashioned nuclear war, consumers are scared. So today, we are going to discuss ways to monetize that. Fear is the steady hand that unhooks the bra of capitalism."

Hampton DeVille CEO Christian (Lance Reddick) sees dollar signs when he looks out at a terrified America

SUPERGIRL

"We should really do something about Menagerie. There's only so much footwear advice I can take."

"Gucci all day and Prada all night."

When Nia (Nicole Maines) captured Menagerie (Jessica Meraz), she didn't know she was also capturing a stylist

BROAD CITY

"God, I love living in New York City. You can't beat it. You get to be physically near the cutting edge of art and culture, and then, just a mere decade later, actually afford to experience it."

Ilana's (Ilana Glazer) excitement about finally seeing Sleep No More is an all-too-familiar feeling

LEGACIES

"Why are you quitting?"

"A personal issue with one of the judges — a direct result of that bitch Dana's sabotage."

"She's dead, Lizzie."

"Correction: that dead bitch Dana's sabotage."

In case you're wondering how long Lizzie (Jenny Boyd) holds grudges, the answer is... forever, apparently

GREY'S ANATOMY

"My God, you are just chiseled — like a statue. It's like your chin has muscles."

"Well, I do work out my chin pretty hard. It takes a whole day."

Link (Chris Carmack), winning over Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) — and us — with a revelation about his amazing jawline

SINGLE PARENTS (Bonus Quote!)

"I mean, I don't want to be married to the man. He went to that Fyre Festival and came back with no complaints."

Poppy (Kimrie Lewis) might be bummed about her ex's upcoming wedding, but she has good reason not to be interested in the guy anymore

SINGLE PARENTS

"I wish I could stay and watch The Bachelor with you. I've been meaning to ask you one question, though: What's a virgin?"

Yep, it's pretty clear which Bachelor season Rory (Devin Trey Campbell) has been watching with his mom — hi, Colton!

THE GOOD FIGHT

"My dad raped the stenographer?"

An apoplectic Liz (Audra McDonald) learns that the number of women her late, much revered father assaulted on the job extends well beyond his former secretary

GOOD GIRLS

"You lied to my face!"

"I saved [our daughter]'s life! It wasn't God, or the church, or any of those 'thoughts and prayers.' It was me. You say you don't know who I am? Well let me introduce myself, I'm the crazy-ass bitch that robbed a grocery store to save her child and protect her family — your child, and your family. I'm that bitch. Nice to meet ya. And 'you're welcome.'"

Ruby (Retta) makes clear to husband Stan all that she has done

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"It says here I'm mostly British!"

Jo's DNA results make a nod to portrayer Camilla Luddington

THE FLASH

"OK, one fresh serving of piping-hot metahuman cure..."

"I'm just supposed to trust that that thing works? Has it gone through any human testing?"

"It's gone through giant shark testing."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) tries to allay Dr. Ambres' concerns

NCIS

"You think my son is a murderer?"

"Yeah — and he's also a kidnapper."

"Mind you, he only kidnapped to cover up the murder, so..."

Sloane (Maria Bello) puts the best spin on a father's woe

THIS IS US

"We're playing a game: Name any food — any food at all — that is not made better by either chocolate or ranch."

"Oh! [Extended pause] Toothpaste."

Madison (Caitlin Thompson) gives an impressively bad answer when Miguel (Jon Huertas) lets her in on the Pearsons' waiting room game

THIS IS US (Bonus Quote!)

"[Kate] asked to see Miguel first."

"Really?"

[Awkward pause]

"No, not really. She — I'm sorry, that was my poor attempt at some humor."

Toby (Chris Sullivan) gets Miguel's (Jon Huertas) hopes up, then immediately squashes them

THE OTHER TWO

"Absolutely not! You're not drinking alcohol tonight! You're 14! Plus, you're contractually obligated to drink Voss."

Brooke (Heléne Yorke) lays down the law at her teen pop star brother's birthday bash

HAWAII FIVE-0

"Not to speak ill of the dead, but that is downright disgusting."

A man who burned off his own fingerprints rubs Lou (Chi McBride) the wrong way