Quotes Of The Week For May 12, 2019

VEEP

"In the words of the great Eleanor Roosevelt, 'I would rather cheese-grater my clit.'"

Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) refuses to ask Kemi Talbot to be her VP

VEEP (Bonus Quote!)

"You'd hate the flowers... but I... I brought the Dubonnet."

Gary (Tony Hale) brings Selina's favorite lipstick to her funeral

GREY'S ANATOMY

"Maybe I missed out on summer camp, but you missed out on a summer job... and filling out financial-aid forms and worrying if your family could even afford college... work study and student loans and hoping that you find a job after college and can pay off your student loans... life stuff — stuff that comes from not being Mr. Monopoly!"

Sick of Jackson always wanting her to "expand," Maggie (Kelly McCreary) drops some truth bombs on her privileged boyfriend

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"All this laying on of guilt trips... Do we want people to come to Mass to feel shame?"

"This is still the Catholic Church, right?"

Peggy (Mary McCormack) is more willing than Father Abdi (Jojo Nwoko) to fill parishioners with shame in order to fill the collection plate

KILLING EVE

"Don't speak to me like that, Eve. I like you, but I don't like you that much. Don't forget: The only thing that makes you interesting is me."

Villanelle (Jodie Comer) firmly puts Eve back in her place

ARROW

"Wherever you go, whatever happens to you, you'll never leave me. On our wedding day, you told me I was the best part of you. But the truth is we are the best parts of each other, and that is so much bigger than the friggin' universe." 

"When I came back to Star City to start my mission, I didn't think that I was capable or deserving of love. But you opened up my heart in ways that I never thought were possible. My only regret is not telling you I loved you sooner."

"No regrets."

"Would you tell Mia that I love her every day? And I know that she will grow up to be as smart and as beautiful as her mom."

"I will find you... again. I promise."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) and Oliver (Stephen Amell) say goodbye in their final scene together

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"Now I can pay for Showtime, find out who or what SMILF is!"

Terry (Terry Crews) is excited about the raise that comes with his promotion

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"Jake! It's so good to see you! Come give me a hug, I'm not going to eat you. Also, don't hug me, 'cause I will try to eat you."

Caleb the Cannibal (Tim Meadows) is excited to see his former cellmate again

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"This honor doesn't just belong to me. I wouldn't be up here if it weren't for some very important people in my life, beginning with my mother and father, Meemaw, brother and sister, and my other family, who I am so happy to have here with us. [Takes a beat] Is that Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

After keeping that promise to his dad (sniff!), Sheldon (Jim Parsons) gets distracted by Raj's very special date during his Nobel Prize acceptance speech

THE BIG BANG THEORY (Bonus Quote!)

"I'm done enabling [Sheldon]. Like, this is his spot, and the thermostat has to be set to his comfort level, even though he doesn't even live here anymore and I'm always chilly!"

"Is that why you wear a hoodie all the time?"

"Yes!"

Raj (Kunal Nayyar) solves the mystery of Leonard's (Johnny Galecki) wardrobe

YOUNG SHELDON

"You may have noticed that I went with Cheerios — and believe me, it was a decision that I came to after careful consideration. There were birds on the Froot Loops, Cocoa Puffs and Corn Flakes, so they were out."

Sheldon's (Iain Armitage) breakfast cereal of choice is determined by his fear of birds

YOUNG SHELDON (Bonus Quote!)

"It's the most prestigious award in the field of physics... When I win one, I might just thank you in my speech."

In a bit of foreshadowing, a 10-year-old Sheldon (Iain Armitage) promises his father a mention in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech

HAWAII FIVE-0

"Hey — are you guys all right?"

"I'm fine, but look at this poor guy. He lost all his hair in the explosion."

Danny (Scott Caan) has jokes following a hairy encounter with a bomb

NCIS

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Wilson. I'm afraid... Agent Torres has some bad news for you."

Bishop (Emily Wickersham) worms her way out of giving a death notification

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"I'm thinking I should revisit the file on those Life Model Decoys — which really shouldn't be a thing, by the way."

"No argument here."

Marcus (Barry Shabaka Henley) is preaching to a choir led by Mack and May

LUCIFER (Episode 3)

"Vatican Investigator — it sounds like a soon-to-be-cancelled TV show."

Father Kinley hands Lucifer (Tom Ellis) his card

LUCIFER (Episode 3 — Bonus Quote!)

"In Hell, torture via birth was a favorite. If half of what we did was accurate, your sex hole is never going back to normal."

Maze (Lesley-Ann Brandt) worries for Dr. Linda's lady bits