Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 29, 2019

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Sept. 29 through Oct. 5, 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

PENNYWORTH

"Ohhhh... You mean you like me. Wow. Like, sexually?"

"[Thomas turns to Alfred] I'm sorry, Alfred."

"Pretend I'm not here."

Martha (Emma Paetz) realizes that Thomas (Ben Aldridge) is batty for her

THE CONNERS

"Hey, you know what? It's not contagious, lady. Your kid's not gonna catch being gay any more than he's gonna catch being a cranky, old wench like you."

Darlene (Sara Gilbert) comes at Austin's grandmother after she accuses Mark of "confusing" her grandson

NCIS

"It must be hard living in a man's world. I bet you kill twice as many heretics for only half the martyrdom. Am I right, girlfriend?"

"Is this an interrogation, or an audition for The View?"

Jack (Maria Bello) grills "work in progress" terrorist leader Mira Sahar Azam

GREY'S ANATOMY

"Since your friends went rogue, Catherine made me God of this place, so practice kneeling, maybe throw in a few prayers."

Tom (Greg Germann), delightedly revealing to Owen that his worst nightmare has become his boss

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"I was scared. And then you said things..."

"... that made you less scared?"

"Less scared... and a little bit in love. Probably just the hormones."

Amelia (Caterina Scorsone), sharing with Link (Chris Carmack) how his reaction to her pregnancy had affected her

YOUNG SHELDON

"Just a warning: Today's lecture is rather advanced."

"Don't worry. If you get confused, I'll be right here in the front row."

Dr. Linkletter (Ed Begley Jr.) doesn't realize who he's talking to when he tells Sheldon (Iain Armitage) that he might have trouble keeping up in a college-level physics class

SUPERSTORE

"Dina is your maid of honor?"

"Who else is she going to ask? The old lady who spits at her on the bus?"

Jonah (Ben Feldman) asks a totally valid question after finding out that Sandra has chosen Dina (Lauren Ash) to be in her wedding party

GREENLEAF

"In a house full of sleepwalkers, the one person awake is bound to seem a bit vivid by comparison."

Lady Mae (Lynn Whitfield), refusing to be demeaned for her cunning

THE VOICE

"I love Utah... I love snowboarding there. Well, I used to love snowboarding; now I'm just at the bar because I'm like, 'It's hard and my thighs burn and I'm out of shape!'"

Kelly Clarkson, trying to appeal to a contestant from Utah

SUNNYSIDE

"I spent all my cash on We the Coin, which is DJ Khaled's cryptocurrency. Would you believe that it lost all its value immediately?"

Brady (Moses Storm) tells the study group how he wound up penniless

FAMILY GUY

"First of all, I'm alright. Don't nobody worry about me."

Kenny Loggins, after surviving a Poseidon Adventure parody aboard a yacht-rock cruise

CAROL'S SECOND ACT

"I'd like to keep a low profile, but I'm the only queer, diverse person in the program. There are already six pictures of me on the hospital website."

Lexie (Sabrina Jalees) is finding it impossible to blend in during her first year of residency

DANCING WITH THE STARS

"This dance is for you. I dedicate this one to you."

"Awww! [kisses James] That's sweet, it makes me teary-eyed. And also, who else would you dedicate it to?"

James Van Der Beek's wife, Kimberly, is moved — but not totally surprised — to learn that he's honoring their relationship with a romantic rumba

PRODIGAL SON

"Is this a parakeet?"

"Yeah. Don't make it weird."

An intoxicated Malcolm (Tom Payne) will not let Dani (Aurora Perrineau) mock his choice of pet

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"I want to talk about your new book, The Book of Gutsy Women. And we're gonna do that in just a minute, I promise you. But your fault for coming on Ukraine Week!"

Hillary Clinton might be there to promote her book, but Colbert wants her thoughts on Trump's impeachment inquiry first

THE BLACKLIST

"Let me get this straight: Raymond Reddington is your father."

"The real one."

"But he's dead because you shot and killed him."

"When I was 4, yeah."

"And after he dies, your mother, Katarina Rostova, puts you in foster care and escapes from the KGB, FBI and the Cabal with the help of her oldest friend, Ilya Koslov, who nips and tucks his way into becoming Mr. Reddington, in order to access the millions that the real Reddington didn't even know he had, in order to finance her disappearance. Is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"You're definitely going to need therapy."

And that's what you've missed on The Blacklist, courtesy of Aram (Amir Arison)

THE GOOD PLACE

"Everything I do blows up in my face. I'm like a hot, blonde Wile E. Coyote."

"That's true. About you making lots of mistakes, not the thing where you sexualized a cartoon."

Even when Eleanor (Kristen Bell) is feeling sorry for herself, she still finds a way to make Michael (Ted Danson) uncomfortable

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

"I love it when a plan comes together."

"Did you just quote The A-Team? You quoted The A-Team."

"You boys got a problem with that?"

"Not at all. Strong choice."

As far as Wallace et al. are concerned, Kensi (Daniela Ruah) had the Quote of the Week

NCIS: LOS ANGELES (Bonus Quote!)

"What does one use truffles for exactly, anyway?"

"You shave it onto pasta. What are you, an animal?"

"I am much more a man of the people than you are. Salt of the Earth, they might say. I don't spend my evenings shaving expensive and fine fungi onto my mac and cheese."

"You are an animal."

Deeks' (Eric Christian Olsen) disinterest in delicacies draws a diss from Sabatino (Erik Palladino)

MAGNUM P.I.

"You look familiar..."

"Yeah, I just have one of those faces."

"I'd actually argue that you have one of the most distinct faces I've ever seen."

Katsumoto (Tim Kang) senses he has run into Magnum's (pickpocket) "friend" (Bobby Lee) before

THE ROOKIE

"...and a soap dish is not a plate."

"Says who?"

"Common decency, actually."

"He's right. I live under an overpass and even I think it's gross."

Criticizing Lopez (Alyssa Diaz) and her slobby ways, West (Titus Makin Jr.) gets backup from a homeless guy

A MILLION LITTLE THINGS

"The only thing getting me through today are Regina's bottomless mimosas. [Yells at car in front of hers] GO, IDIOT!"

"Yep, alcohol is definitely going to help this."

Maggie (Allison Miller) isn't OK with the news that her parents are getting a divorce, and Gary (James Roday) isn't totally on board with her coping mechanism

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POWER

"Hey, yo, are these sugar-free? Because I ain't got no Points left for the day."

"How many times I gotta tell your Weight Watchers ass to stay the f—k outta my motherf—king fridge?"

Tommy (Joseph Sikora) isn't on board with Black Grimace's (Avery Mason) steps toward a healthier lifestyle

THIS IS US

"Hi. I'm your Uncle Kevin, and I'm going to teach you how to pick up girls. Or boys. Or robots, if that's what people are into in the future."

Kevin (Justin Hartley) formally introduces himself to his nephew, Jack