Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 4, 2015

"We're going to Milli Vanilli the [bleep] out of that musical!"

Beverly (Wendi McLendon-Covey) finds a solution for Adam's changing voice

"I was wishing we had something to mask the smell of urine. You saved the day."

Strand (Colman Domingo), dryly "thanking" Nick for vomiting in their cell

"You know, you have some nerve, because I've seen you walking around in those sweatpants that say 'ho' on the butt."

"They say 'hero,' it's just my crack eats the middle letters."

New neighbor Chelsea (Eliza Coupe) knows just what to say to put Mindy (Mindy Kaling) in her place

"Your turn."

Lancelot (Sinqua Walls) defers to Arthur upon seeing Sir Kay disintegrated by Excalibur

"What's she saying...? Accent's a bit much, no?"

Rumplestiltskin (played by Scotsman Robert Carlyle) pokes fun at Merida's brogue

"What happened? Did you just bail on the proposal?"

"No, I didn't 'bail.' I've been planning the op."

"The op?"

"Yeah. I secured the ring, I reconned the location. Now I just need to execute."

"Wow. I mean, it sounds so romantic the way you say it."

Steve (Alex O'Loughlin) puts the "op" in "pop the question"

"Go in a circle! Go in a circle! Advertise stuff! Advertise stuff! Go in a circle!"

Peter (Seth MacFarlane), cheering at a NASCAR race

"The CDC is accusing Big Tobacco of using different flavors of e-cigarettes to try and lure in young people. They're especially concerned about the newest flavor, Cheerios In a Ziploc Bag."

"Are you afraid he's coming, or are you afraid he's not?"

Dan (Josh Charles), unable to ignore the fact that, even as Virginia is running away with him, she's watching the door for Bill to burst in and stop them

"What? He's a handsome man, and gender is fluid!"

Pepe reveals that Josh Groban gives him "feels"

"So nice of you to greet us, Madeline. I thought surely you'd still be crushed under that house in Munchkinland."

"Sticks and stones, Raymond."

"Describing your breakfast?"

Holt (Andre Braugher) is determined not to let Wuntch (Kyra Sedgwick) get the best of him on his first day in the PR department

"This man is a Timberlake, and you need to stop treating him like a Fatone!"

Gina (Chelsea Peretti) uses the perfect 'N Sync analogy to describe how Wuntch is wasting Holt's talents

"You're acting crazy, you're out of control. You're like a shark. You're like a tornado. You're like a mixture between a shark and a tornado."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

During a fast car ride, the Lifetime movie slows down to poke fun at Ian Ziering's shlocky future

"Step away from the moose!"

Wick (Scott Michael Foster) would kindly like you to step away from the moose, please and thank you

"I'll tell you which black people are going to Mars: Beyonce, Oprah and Michael Strahan."

"Really? Michael Strahan?"

"White people love anything Kelly Ripa likes."

New correspondent Roy Wood Jr. has strong feelings about the chances a black person could go on a NASA excursion to Mars

"Where did that girl come from anyway?"

"My vagina!"

Grissom (William Petersen) is shocked to learn the "new girl" in the crime lab is actually Catherine's (Marg Helgenberger) grown-up daughter Lindsey

"Ain't nothing wrong with a couple of J. Los — as long as they can sing."

Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) gets in a dig at the pop diva/American Idol judge while expressing support about the idea of her son Hakeem creating a Latina girl group

"Let me tell you something, ho. If it weren't for women like me, bitches like you would spend a lifetime on your knees — or underneath my 20-year-old son."

Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) is not trying to be subtle about her objection to rival Anika being a part of their new record label

"I get a text alert every time you charge over $100 on my card."

"Wait, wait a second. Wait. I could charge, like, $95 a day, 10 times a day, and you wouldn't even know it?"

"Do not doubt that I would know."

Quinn (Rena Sofer), reminding hubby Deacon (Sean Kanan) who holds the purse strings

"Figure out how not to repeat the same mistake twice. Or you could get your GED and become an Uber driver."

While the group sits in detention, Principal Turner (Bernard Curry) offers some advice

"This place is run by ladies. It's Lady Place!"

"No! It is not Lady Place. Lady Place is what my grandma calls her vagina."

"Oooh!"

"To anyone who will listen, by the way. She is not shy. So we can't call this place Lady Place. I don't need to think of that sweet, sweet, raunchy old lady's vag every time I walk through the doors!"

"Me, neither. But I will now."

Maggie (Kelly McCreary), horrifying Alex (Justin Chambers) by explaining to Callie (Sara Ramirez) why her nickname for Grey Sloan can never, ever again be used

"Have you ever had a friend who was like a really good friend, but you just wanna make out with them all the time?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I used to do that for years."

"And what happened?"

"Sofia."

Callie (Sara Ramirez), trying to help Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) understand her feelings for Owen

"Spinderella would never hack a brother's Netflix queue! I had, like, 500 things I wanted to watch. Now the only thing I can remember is Peaky Blinders!"

S—tstain (Darrell Britt-Gibson) is appalled that Sam would ever commit such a crime against TV viewing

"How often do you break in here? Does that explain the white wine? We fired a cleaning lady!"

Jay (Ed O'Neill) confronts Claire after discovering his daughter sometimes hides out in his house when she's avoiding attending family events

"You had save-the-dates printed?!"

"Get your hands off my STDs!"

Thanks to Jenna (Ashley Rickards) and Tamara (Jillian Rose Reed), we may never look at wedding planning the same way again

"This house is really, really special. He's built this from the heart."

"Does he know there's a beer bottle on top of the roof there?"

David's client isn't convinced the upkeep on his latest listing matches the $2,230,000 asking price

"Why are Americans so obsessed with being friends with their children? I have no children friends."

Jessica (Constance Wu) doesn't understand why Honey wants to be pals with her step-daughter

"I don't think that's cute! I think it's freaky. It's like a curse! It's like this poor baby angered some witch who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body. Now she needs an emperor's kiss to release her from the curse, but the emperors are gone, replaced by democracy. So this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields to be pecked at by crows. And then a photographer comes along and he takes a photograph of her and sells it for lots of money, but he leaves her alone to a life of misery! For who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby?"

Jessica (Constance Wu) goes on an epic rant after Louis tries to convince her to have another child using a picture of a cabbage patch baby

"I think that's the kid I schooled in Butts Up. Don't get your wedding planner out just yet."

John (D.W. Moffett) learns exactly who his daughter Daphne's boyfriend is

"Abi's our own little Brazilian soap opera that we can just turn on and watch whenever we want to. And there are buttons that you push to get it at various levels of entertainment."

Jeff, revealing why he isn't suffering from TV withdrawal while roughing it

"I would've faked it... I would've gone in and gotten on the gurney and then told the doctor, 'All right. Come on. Let's play spades.'"

Wendy weighs in on Ne-Yo's longtime girlfriend having her tubes tied (and possibly regretting it now that he's gotten his new girlfriend pregnant)