Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 27, 2019
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Oct. 27 through Nov. 2, 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
new-amsterdam-chunky-earrings-quote
NEW AMSTERDAM
"You don't have cancer."
"You gonna swear on them chunky earrings you love wearing?"
"They're not that big, are they?"
A patient questions Helen's (Freema Agyeman) diagnosis... and choice of jewelry
greys-anatomy-panhandling-in-costume-quote
GREY'S ANATOMY
"You want to put an age limit on Halloween?"
"A town in Canada did — 16. After that, it's just panhandling in a costume."
Tom (Greg Germann) is frightfully candid with Bailey (Chandra Wilson) about his thoughts on trick-or-treating
greys-anatomy-dead-babies-quote
GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)
"You dressed our babies up as dead babies?!"
Owen (Kevin McKidd) is scared silly — emphasis on the silly — by Teddy's Halloween costumes for Allison and Leo
blackish-cocaine-crack-quote
BLACK-ISH
"When I was 13, my friend convinced me to experiment with cooked-up cocaine."
"You did crack?"
"No, no, no. No, no. It was just, uh, little rocks of cocaine that we smoked out of a pipe."
"So... crack."
Coworker Josh's (Jeff Meacham) childhood anecdote is, well, whack
arrow-done-with-the-place-quote
ARROW
"Wow. I love what they haven't done with the place."
Thea (Willa Holland) revisits dusty old Nanda Parbat
the-voice-wisconsin-westconsin-quote
THE VOICE
"It may surprise you to know that until I was 14, I thought it was Westconsin. I thought there must be an Eastconsin."
"Whoa! Did you go to school?"
Yes, Blake Shelton, that revelation did indeed surprise Taylor Swift
this-is-us-call-your-mother-quote
THIS IS US
"For the sake of our sex life, call your mother."
Toby (Chris Sullivan) urges Kate to ask Rebecca to babysit so the two of them can enjoy some much-needed alone time
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modern-family-faking-it-gumbo-quote
MODERN FAMILY
"Don't patronize me. You don't think I can tell when you're faking it? 'Oh, Phil... mm, it's so good!' I know you hated my gumbo."
Phil (Ty Burrell), after Claire pretends to be scared by the horror movie they're watching
ncis-los-angeles-vegas-act-quote
NCIS: LOS ANGELES
"Question, do you know Lucy and Luiz Garcia?"
"Nope."
"Do you know anyone related to Lucy and Luiz Garcia?"
"Nope."
"Do you think Lucy and Luiz Garcia sound like a Vegas lounge act?"
Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen) can't get a millennial to look up from her phone and care about her stolen priceless painting
batwoman-rihanna-quote
BATWOMAN
"... A wise woman once said, 'Hurt me with the truth, don't comfort me with a lie.' Yes, Bruce, I'm quoting Rihanna..."
Kate (Ruby Rose) turns to a pop singer as she grapples with her dual life
batwoman-batsplaining-quote
BATWOMAN (Bonus Quote!)
"You're batsplaining."
Kate (Ruby Rose) gets an earful from Luke about her boomerang boo-boo
hawaii-five-0-harshed-mellow-quote
HAWAII FIVE-0
"You totes nailed that douche nozzle!"
"Yeah! We, like, totes harshed his mellow until he was... mellow-less."
"Stop talking."
Tani (Meaghan Rath) cuts short Quinn's (Katrina Law) mimicking of Scooter and Skeez
the-good-place-defendant-nickname-quote
THE GOOD PLACE
"Almost everything I did on Earth, I did without thinking or worrying about what would happen. That's how I got my nickname: The Defendant."
It's kind of amazing that Jason (Manny Jacinto) didn't die sooner, huh?
mrs-fletcher-not-your-mom-quote
MRS. FLETCHER
"You OK, Mom?"
"I'm not your mom, you smug f—ker."
A heartbroken Eve (Kathryn Hahn), who has just dropped son Brendan off at school, refuses to be mocked by some college-aged jerk
seal-team-brussel-turnip-burger-quote
SEAL TEAM
"I'm a diehard carnivore, got it?"
"Copy that. Although... I know this amazing brussel-turnip burger. I think maybe you should give it a try—"
"You're just hitting my trigger points. Walking backwards here..."
Dr. Pierce (Emily Swallow) crosses a line in the course of coaxing Jason (David Boreanaz) toward healthier choices
the-affair-dont-pity-me-quote
THE AFFAIR (Bonus Quote!)
"I got through it. I made it through and I'm more proud of that than anything I've ever done in my life, so please don't f—king pity me."
Helen (Maura Tierney), a true badass, refuses to accept Noah's pity when she details what life was like in the immediate aftermath of his affair
the-affair-stop-mansplaining-quote
THE AFFAIR
"Could you please stop f—king mansplaining to me right now?"
Helen (Maura Tierney) tells Noah to put a sock in it while she attempts to climb down a rock face and make it to the bottom in one piece
the-morning-show-gilmore-girls-musical-quote
THE MORNING SHOW (Episode 1)
"... And what the hell kind of name is Lorelai anyway?"
Daniel (Desean Terry) is not looking forward to sitting through Gilmore Girls: The Musical
the-conners-happiness-behind-me-quote
THE CONNERS
"I saw the 'For Lease' sign and it hit me: I've been looking to the future for answers, but all my happiness is behind me."
The demise of the Chinese restaurant, and the potential to reopen the Lunch Box, leads Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) to a depressing realization
for-all-mankind-dont-wear-pants-quote
FOR ALL MANKIND (Episode 2)
"I need to know you're not some pogue who's going to wilt at the first sign of pressure. I've had guys on FIDO, solid guys, who damn near pissed their pants during a rocky re-entry."
"Well, sir... I don't wear pants."
Tracy (Sarah Jones) argues she has the right stuff for Mission Control
how-to-get-away-with-murder-butt-stuff-quote
HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER
"Good! Now dip me. But hold me tight, like someone you want to do butt stuff with."
Connor gets an X-rated dance lesson from Asher's intoxicated sister, Chloe (Kelen Coleman)
dancing-with-the-stars-ryan-seacrest-quote
DANCING WITH THE STARS
"I'm dressed as a gray-haired Ryan Seacrest."
Host Tom Bergeron, explaining his "costume" for the show's Halloween broadcast