Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 16, 2016

"I feel like Friends in Season 8: out of ideas, and forcing Joey and Rachel together even though it made no sense."

Michael (Ted Danson) uses an apt TV metaphor to illustrate his defeated state of mind

"Actually, I have summered in Connecticut — at the Danbury Federal Correctional Institution for Women."

Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) drops some real talk on a couple of high society types talking down to her in front of new beau Angelo

"Have you been approached by the producers of the show Bones?"

Kimmel tries to get a sense of just how out of hand undecided voter Ken Bone's popularity has gotten after the second presidential debate

"Is that a computer?"

"Yes. I don't trust them."

Castiel (Misha Collins) fills in newly resurrected Mary (Samantha Smith) on modern technology

"She's still beautiful. Hi, sweetheart. Remember me?"

We think Mary (Samantha Smith) wants to be alone with the Impala

"Are you serious? Is this what L.A. did to you? Please don't tell me you're vegan, too."

Yo-Yo's friend Maria (Valery M. Ortiz) after Yo-Yo defends Inhumans

"You're ruining your reputation!"

"I know — I'm supposed to be heartless and hardcore and super punk rock."

"But now they'll see you in your pajamas and crying."

Blake Shelton gets in a dig about Miley Cyrus' jumpsuit while advising her on how to manage her emotions during the Battle Rounds

"You have to sit next to me while I watch Castle and let me talk about Nathan Fillion's hair."

"I told you that makes me feel self-conscious. His hair is so lustrous."

Katie (Katy Mixon) tells Greg (Diedrich Bader) how he'll have to repay her if she agrees to sex after midnight

"If it's just a soulless human, does it count as a robocall?"

Bee weighs in on Ted Cruz's widely mocked appearance at a Texas phone bank on behalf of onetime rival Donald Trump

"I mean, I was a complete stranger, and look how quickly I took to your breast."

"You're an idiot."

Jack (Milo Ventimiglia) tries to convince Rebecca (Mandy Moore) that adopted baby Kyle Randall will eventually allow her to breastfeed him

"Hi, white people. Just your friendly neighborhood black man."

Randall (Sterling K. Brown) introduces himself to onlookers after an argument with William

"Those shorts are like a cheap hotel — no ballroom."

Earl (Garrett Morris), sizing up Han's new uniform

"Congratulations, toaster, you are now our most valuable possession."

Jimmy (John Ross Bowie), after Ray knocks over the family laptop

"His brother Edwin was, literally, the most famous actor in America. John never quite measured up."

"So this is like if Donnie Wahlberg assassinated the president?"

"Pretty much, actually."

Lucy (Abigail Spencer) and Rufus (Malcolm Barrett) discuss Lincoln's killer, John Wilkes Booth

"We're Prussian. We make good guns."

Flynn (Goran Višnjić), explaining where he got his modern-day guns to John Wilkes Booth's co-conspirators in 1865

"That's impossible. Everybody likes Barry Allen. You're like pudding. Everybody likes pudding."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) doesn't understand how Barry's new coworker could hate him

"I've seen a lot of highway accidents less horrific than how you just handled that."

Cruz (Joe Minoso) ain't wrong about Severide's "I'm not exactly the greatest when it comes to monogamy" response after Stella offers him a place to stay

"... Everything's off. Oh no! We're in the Upside Down!"

Being in Witness Protection clearly didn't prevent Jake (Andy Samberg) from binge-watching Netflix's Stranger Things

"How about some tunes?"

"Cool. Merry-go-round music."

"John Philip Sousa: The Skrillex of his day."

Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) tries selling Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) on his 19th-century "dance" music

"Hey, buddy, you're not Rosa Parks! You know how I know? People liked what Rosa Parks said on the bus."

"It's sad. It's had enough. If it could talk, it would make that sad, Marge Simpson groan."

Issa (Issa Rae) is convinced her lovelorn pal Molly is suffering from "broken p—y" syndrome

"No mask."

"No chance."

We think the writers Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) is trying to tell Oliver (and us) something about her never suiting up

"So, how do we find Einstein in a city of seven million people?"

"We just look for the physicist with the crazy white hair. [Off Stein's look] I mean, the other one."

Stein (Victor Garber) and Ray (Brandon Routh) plot to kidnap Albert Einstein

"Vile witch, you have corrupted the women of our village!"

"In my defense, they were happily corrupted."

Sara (Caity Lotz) clearly had a good time while she was stuck in Salem

"Everything you just said is 50 shades of crazy."

Republican pundit Ana Navarro isn't buying Trump surrogate Scottie Nell Hughes' rambling explanation that Fifty Shades of Grey somehow normalized the offensive language Donald Trump used in his Access Hollywood tape

"Hook up as much as you want. Maybe just don't rub it in my face."

"I'm willing to rub other things in your face any time you want me to."

Oliver (Conrad Ricamora) may not want to know about ex-boyfriend Connor's (Jack Falahee) sexcapades, but the latter would like to resume theirs

"Excuse me, what IPAs do you have on tap? Hey, did you see Game of Thrones last night?"

Harrison Booth (Niles Stewart) — who's transitioning to become a 35-year-old white man — practices his white-guy lingo in front of a mirror

"She didn't strike you as... dumb?"

"Nah, she seemed OK."

"Are you kidding? She asked if the grapes were homemade."

Frankie (Patricia Heaton) and Mike (Neil Flynn) discuss Axl's new girlfriend

"I once saw a cartoon where a wolf saw a sexy rabbit in a nightclub, and his tongue came out like steps. That's how she made me feel. April, not the rabbit. A little bit the rabbit."

Brick (Atticus Shaffer), describing his reaction to Axl's new girlfriend