Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 10, 2017

THE LAST SHIP

"How do I look?"

"Better. Still need a haircut."

Clean-shaven Tom (Eric Dane) presents himself to Sasha (Bridget Regan) for inspection

HALT AND CATCH FIRE

"Hey, I'm really sorry about earlier."

"Don't worry about it. But if you ever scream about my sex life in front of my kid again, I will rip off your head and s—t down your throat."

Gordon (Scoot McNairy) lets bygones be bygones — but leaves Joe (Lee Pace) with a rather graphic warning

SALVATION

"Zachary Taylor, 12th president. His remains were exhumed 10 years after he died to determine if he'd been poisoned. So it's not like you're breaking new ground here. Pun intended."

Aww, Darius (Santiago Cabrera) — you beat us to it!

THE ORVILLE

"...and my ex-wife, Kelly Grayson."

"I'm his first officer."

"But if any of your research team needs an artless, jabby-nail shoulder massage, she's the best there is."

Captain Mercer (Seth MacFarlane) still feels the assorted pains of his ill-fated marriage

ZOO

"Since when do you knit?"

"Since I was having a baby...?"

Clem (Gracie Dzienny) picked up a hobby or two while carrying humankind's first baby in a decade

ZOO (Bonus Quote!)

"Stop! Talking!"

Jackson (James Wolk) speaks for all of us — and yet Eeeeevil Abigail kept on babbling, sigh

MARLON

"I'm down for a soiree. I don't know what it is, but long as it don't mean putting fingers in weird places... "

Marlon (Marlon Wayans), upon hearing that his ex had been invited to a fancy party

BACHELOR IN PARADISE

"I'm just really happy that Scallops is back where she wants to be. I think for Scallops, this just wasn't her habitat. And she's home now... and free."

Raven, watching as Christen, aka Scallop Fingers, went back to sea

INSECURE

"You know when you work with black folks, they get too comfortable. They want to compare potato salad. They get all up in your business, trying to add you on Facebook, inviting you to church. It's like, 'Damn, Therese! Quit trying to baptize me at work!'"

Kelli (Natasha Rothwell) makes the case against working with black people...

INSECURE (Bonus Quote!)

"On the other hand: When you're working with white folks, you've got to make them comfortable about you. Explaining your outfits, speaking on behalf of all black people, trying not to be a stereotype... it's like, 'OK, Meg, I'm eating watermelon! So what, bitch? It's hot!'" 

...and then, moments later, makes the case against working with white people

BOJACK HORSEMAN

"Oh, Beatrice, you know ice cream is for boys. You can sprinkle some sugar on a lemon. That's a good, healthy girl snack."

1940s housewife Honey (Jane Krakowski) gives her daughter Beatrice a helpful diet tip

DIFFICULT PEOPLE

"In the immortal words of Anjelica Huston's dance coach on Smash, I'm sorry, this just isn't working."

Billy (Billy Eichner) can't get to sleep while sharing a bed with Todd

LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER

"We've been off for the last couple of weeks and we've missed a great deal of stories, from continuing tensions with North Korea, to Equifax's massive data breach, to me personally falling off the Taylor Swift train. Look what you made me do, Taylor!"

YOU'RE THE WORST

"Ty's parties used to be way more fun before Gavin Rossdale convinced everyone to go to AA. I didn't bang your nanny, bro! Why do we all have to be punished?" 

Boone (Colin Ferguson) blames a lame party on a certain (allegedly unfaithful) rocker

THE HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS

"Grab it — I'll show you how much black lives matter!"

Veronica (Angela Robinson), challenging Officer Justin to respond to her blackmail by laying a hand on her expensive suit