Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 14, 2018

THE WALKING DEAD

"No, d-d-d-don't. Don't."

"But... I wrote a speech."

Carol (Melissa McBride), accepting from Ezekiel (Khary Payton) an engagement ring but not the proposal that he was eager to make on bended knee

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Yes, 'Horseface.' You heard it straight from the horse's ass."

THE CONNERS

"Damn, that's the only thing from Mom's closet that I wanted."

Becky (Lecy Goranson) is disappointed when Dan confiscates Roseanne's painkillers

THE CONNERS (Bonus Quote!)

"You're the obvious choice to take over for Mom. You already live here, and you're a scary little tyrant."

Becky (Lecy Goranson) explains to Darlene why she's Roseanne's natural successor as head of household

SUPERGIRL

"I used the info you got from Lillian Luthor and found a location for Mercy and Otis... Would you believe it's an abandoned warehouse?"

Brainy (Jesse Rath) may not know much about life on Earth, but at least he appears to have mastered sarcasm

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: APOCALYPSE

"I'm Constance Langdon — and this is my f—king house."

Jessica Lange's return to Horror Story was everything we wanted it to be... and more

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"You're so slim, Wendi. I'm gonna make you a shift. I have this Dacron fabric, it is so colorful. It's like an LSD acid trip."

"I... wouldn't know."

"Correct answer."

Cleary matriarch Peggy (Mary McCormack) is taken with son Eddie's girlfriend, Wendi (Kennedy Lea Slocum)... especially after learning the girl doesn't do drugs

YOU

"I bet Harry never had to do this for Sally."

Joe's (Penn Badgley) voiceover, while he hides under the bed where Peach is having sex

MODERN FAMILY

"She's only going to stay here until she can support herself doing improv."

"Well, put her name on the answering machine because she's not going anywhere. We're only lucky enough to get one Wayne Brady in a lifetime."

Gloria (Sofia Vergara) and Jay (Ed O'Neill) argue over Manny's visiting GF

MAGNUM P.I.

"Hold on, Jules, I have a surprise for you. Take a butcher's."

"A butcher's?"

"A butcher's hook. A look."

"And here I thought you spoke English."

"A shandy!"

"Well, I wasn't sure a toff like you would enjoy it."

"Chav like you would."

"OK, now you guys are just making up words."

Magnum (Jay Hernandez) cannot decipher Higgins and her mate

THE ROOKIE (Bonus Quote!)

"You got solid marks at the academy... You have a good work ethic... Cholesterol level I've never seen in a rookie...."

"I'm something of a pioneer."

Officer Nolan (Nathan Fillion) will probably indulge in fewer donuts than your average boot

THE ROOKIE

"Your life hasn't really turned out the way you wanted, has it? Unless you wanted to be bank robbers — in which case, you're living the dream."

Nolan (Nathan Fillion) buys time during a bank hold-up

THE FLASH

"You mean you don't have a scene-wide modified bosonic frequency field to avoid cross-contamination?"

"I don't even think we have some of those words yet."

Barry's daughter Nora (Jessica Parker Kennedy) is stymied by circa-2018 CSI technology

MURPHY BROWN

"I'm sorry, Miles, I know it's not what you wanted."

"I'm a 5-foot-7 Jew with small calves and colitis. I've had a lifetime of not getting what I wanted."

Miles (Grant Shaud) reassures Murphy (Candice Bergen) that this isn't his first time at the disappointment rodeo

THE GOOD PLACE

"In America, everyone does whatever they want, society did break down, it's terrible... and it's great! You only look out for number one, scream at whoever disagrees with you, there are no bees because they all died, and if you need surgery, you just beg for money on the Internet! It's a perfect system!" 

Eleanor (Kristen Bell) gets very patriotic during a philosophical debate with her bartender

SPLITTING UP TOGETHER

"I love how handsome you know I am."

Just another reason Frank (Travis Schuldt) is so into Maya

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"The fundamental problem with elementary quantum mechanical formalism is that the Fourier transform extends to minus infinity in time."

"Hey, don't dumb this down for me."

You'd think Sheldon (Jim Parsons) would be smart enough to avoid talking physics with Penny (Kaley Cuoco) following Project Gorilla

YOUNG SHELDON

"This first battery of tests measures basic problem-solving abilities."

"Is this the Kaufman Test or the Wechsler Intelligence Scale?"

"Are you familiar with those?"

"It's embarrassing, but I enjoy a little light reading in the bathroom."

Sheldon (Iain Armitage) has come prepared to serve as a university study subject

LAST MAN STANDING

"It always starts with candy, then they'll expect money, jobs, health care... Trick-or-treating: the gateway drug to socialism."

"Yeah, you said the same thing about Santa Claus. You called him the 'Welfare King of the North.'"

"Specifically, the Santa at the mall. The real Santa makes you work for it with naughty and nice lists. I know about this, don't ask me how."

The proudly anti-Halloween Mike (Tim Allen) references his portrayer's Santa Clause film franchise

HAWAII FIVE-0

"It wasn't too hard to trace the wire transfer that you used to employ Mr. Contract Killer."

"I mean, $2,000 — what'd you get, a Groupon?"

Steve and Danny (Scott Caan) bust a cheapskate

MARVEL'S DAREDEVIL (Episode 1)

"I don't want to accept [Matt's death], either. Especially since I'm the one who brought him the Devil suit."

"That was his choice. He would have gotten to that suit whether you brought it to him or not."

"I know. But it doesn't stop me from wishing I'd brought him some sweatpants instead."

Think of it this way, Foggy (Elden Henson) — wearing just sweatpants, Matt would surely have died!

MARVEL'S DAREDEVIL (Episode 4)

"Matt shows up, alive, and tells me I'm never going to see him again? Only I, Foggy Nelson, can be ghosted by a ghost."

Foggy (Elden Henson) can't believe his (good? bad?) luck

BLINDSPOT

"Oh, and Rich? This is important. Keep this on the low. I can't have this getting out before we have any answers."

"To paraphrase The Go-Go's — and, later, Haylie and Hilary Duff — my lips are sealed."

Not only does Rich Dotcom (Ennis Esmer) understand the need for discretion, but he's very well-versed in circa-2004 pop culture