Quotes Of The Week From The Strain, Married, Switched At Birth, Teen Wolf, The View, Suits And More!

THE STRAIN

"His genitals are... gone."

Eph (Corey Stoll) plainly observes Captain Redfern's dis-member-ment

THE STRAIN (Bonus Quote!)

"Jim, you stay with the body."

"But... what if it gets up?"

"Run."

Jim (Sean Astin) questions Eph (Corey Stoll) about his turn babysitting Captain Redfern's mutated corpse

SWITCHED AT BIRTH

"You know, I slept with Angelo the first day I met him — but then again, who didn't?"

Regina (Constance Marie) laughs (and jokes) for the first time since her husband died

MAJOR CRIMES

"Any reason why his boss would be up in the middle of the night on his computer?"

"Why are men ever up late at night on their computers?"

Flynn (Tony Dennison) and Sykes (Kearran Giovanni) scope out an Internet porn king's murder scene

THE FOSTERS

"If cooking was genetic, Mariana would be in trouble. The only thing our birth mom knew how to cook was crack."

Jesus (Jake T. Austin) jokes about his sister's cooking skills

TEEN WOLF

"Malia, you studied harder for this thing than any of us."

"Doesn't mean I'm going to do good!"

"Well."

"Well what?"

Scott (Tyler Posey) and Stiles (Dylan O'Brien) try to calm Malia's (Shelley Hennig) fears about the PSATs

UNDER THE DOME

"All in favor of the mist dispersal system doing something instead of nothing, raise your hand."

"Everyone in favor of Jim shutting up while we wait the storm out?"

Big Jim's (Dean Norris) attempt at a democracy is shut down by Andrea (Dale Raoul)

FINDING CARTER

"I wanted a cookie that didn't make me want to eat cookies."

Elizabeth (Cynthia Watros) explaining why she bought "terrible" gluten-free cookies

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS

"I have never seen you turn down free food and the chance to dress up. Last year for Cinco de Mayo, we drove 10 miles out of town to a gas station, just for the free burrito and a mini sombrero."

Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) cries foul on Hanna's excuse for not attending Aria's mom's engagement party

CHASING LIFE

"I added a little extra something to help you with the nausea."

"Did you make me pot brownies?! Where did you get the...?"

"Birdie and I hit the streets of Somerville. It only took us about an hour to score. [beat] I'm kidding. She has a prescription. Glaucoma."

April's grandmother Emma (Rebecca Schull) presenting her granddaughter (Italia Ricci) with some baked goods before she begins chemo

SUITS

"Louis, please stop saying 'bowels.'"

"Katrina, I don't have time to give a s—t about bowels."

Louis (Rick Hoffman) details for Katrina (Amanda Schull) his plan to bury some damning paperwork in the B-word of the file room

SUITS (Bonus Quote!)

"Are you even capable of growing a soul patch?"

"I had a goatee my sophomore year of... never."

Donna (Sarah Rafferty) teases Mike (Patrick J. Adams) about his lack of facial hair

MYSTERY GIRLS

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the office."

"Holly got me a cameo!"

"As what? A gay Gumby?"

Charlie (Jennie Garth) reacts to Nick (Miguel Pinzon) showing up on set in a strange costume

THE VIEW

"If all the stuff I'm using to make me look this good right now gave out, we'd lose the first three rows of the studio audience."

Miss Piggy, after Whoopi asks her if she wears Spanx

DEFIANCE

"They came to you? And not me. That's... disrespectful."

"Put your vanity aside."

Datak (Tony Curran) is insulted that Stahma (Jaime Murray) was interrogated about a bomb plot, and not him

RUSH

"Man, Raoul said you were the best."

"How do you know Raoul?"

"I took him in on an aggravated assault warrant last year. He's good people."

Rush's bounty hunter client sings the "highest praises" of their common criminal acquaintance

MARRIED

"I hate you. [beat] I don't hate you. I just hate my life. And my life is you."

"Is this foreplay?"

"Duh."

Lina (Judy Greer), after Russ (Nat Faxon) convinces her to try getting her old job back

THE QUEST

"My imagination."

Contestant Jasmine's answer when Ansgar asks where she learned her impressive skills

BLACK JESUS

"My pitbull is getting ready to have puppies. I wasn't there when my kids were born. But I'm gonna be there for my bitch."

Boonie (Corey Holcomb) explaining to his fellow homies why he can't participate in "a run."

GENERAL HOSPITAL

"I've done some things I'm not proud of."

"Like...?"

"Like... one time, I thought my snooty neighbor was spying on me. So one day, her scarf got stuck in the garbage disposal and it was choking her and I let it happen."

"You saw that, like, on a TV show or something, right?"

"Of course I did."

Franco (Roger Howarth) catches Nina (Michelle Stafford) cribbing from Orphan Black

THE KNICK

"The minister was very eloquent, Sister."

"Protestants have their moments, too."

Mr. Barrow (Jeremy Bobb) to a cheeky Sister Harriet (Cara Seymour), following the funeral of a colleague