Quotes Of The Week For July 19, 2015

"That's insane. I'm not a grief counselor — I'm English!"

Using his culturally bred stiff upper lip as an excuse, Adam (Freddie Stroma) protests Rachel's (Shiri Appleby) suggestion that he console the contestants after Mary's death

"Sometimes in life, like, you're partying, and you end up in a shower with 14 other people and you're the only one with a hoodie on, and you're like, 'This is awkward!'"

"Johnny Mac," getting wet and... mild

"I don't trust nobody in here that has a damn penis."

Nominated contestant Jason makes his reasons for disliking Head of Household Austin quite clear

"At first I thought you were canoodling with one of the at-risk youths, but then I realized it was Jesse."

In the midst of a benefit gala, Gail (Julie Claire) throws shade at Marisol's new romance with her twentysomething maid Jesse

"I was just hoping I could talk to [Riley] for a second."

"Yeah, not a problem, I'll just go finish in the bedroom. [Awkward pause...] The movie we were watching."

Ben (Jean-Luc Bilodeau) walking in on Riley and Ross (Eddie Cibrian) hooking up couldn't have gotten more awkward... and then it did

"Seeing as how as a vampire hunter I'm total s—t, I'm gonna go back to being a doctor."

Eph (Corey Stoll) readily cops to his shortcomings, as the team ponders another break-up

"What's your overall strategy?"

"Yeah, yeah. Indubitably."

Very "thick" tennis star Charles Poole (Kit Harington) tries to bluff his way out of an interview question from Soledad O'Brien

"He's a WWE superstar and a 15-time world champion..."

"Which is really funny because you were saying backstage that you could totally beat him up!"

Kelly Ripa offers an unwelcome interruption of Michael Strahan's intro of guest John Cena

"Play with your food, Mason, and you give it the opportunity to bite back."

Alana (Caroline Dhavernas) wonders about the wisdom of Mason (Joe Anderson) torturing Dr. Lecter rather than killing him quickly

"Maybe they're offended because we're wearing their wool."

Kaitlyn tries to understand why her efforts to feed Ireland's sheep aren't going according to plan

"If someone wanted to bully me, I was the MVP of the football team: That just wasn't going to be a problem. And the same thing goes tonight: If you wanna call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead. Because the reality is, I can take it. But for the thousands of kids out there coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn't have to take it."

Caitlyn Jenner makes a plea for greater understanding while accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award

"If you were smart, you'd just push me down the stairs. I have a killer life insurance policy! Literally!"

Have we mentioned how much we love April's grandma Emma (Rebecca Schull)?

"We saw a foreign film."

"Oh, the one from Iran about the little girl who couldn't find her dad and had to sell the family goat?"

"That was boring as hell. We watched Guardians of the Galaxy."

"That's a foreign film?"

"Well, it doesn't take place here."

Emma (Rebecca Schull) tells her daughter Sara (Mary Page Keller) about the wonderful "indie" movie she saw

"We have to say frontal wedgie. We're not allowed to say camel..."

"You've got 10 of 'em on your feet — if you're normal. I don't want to hurt or offend anybody that doesn't have 10. Or has more than 10. Because these days, anything you say offends somebody. But just look down, look at those things, those digits on your feet, and that's what we're talking about."

"Camel digits!"

Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford discuss "Camel No" brand underwear for woman

"But what I really want to know is: Does Lex Luthor go bald before or after he invents Facebook?"

Dave Huntsberger, host of the new Syfy show, has some fun with Jesse Eisenberg's casting in Batman v Superman

"Hey guys, quick question: is Gail dying?"

"I live in hope."

Duncan (Matt Murray) questions Dov (Gregory Smith) after discovering that Gail is working on a Bucket List

"She's about to go into surgery, so it's going to be a while. Any other supernatural details that I need to know about, or do we just stitch her up and hope for the best?"

Mama McCall (Melissa Ponzio) has become so chill about evil hybrid creatures cutting up her son's friends

"Ted Cruz is only slightly more likely to win the Republican presidential nomination than I am."

Rachel Maddow, being generous

"What's Kimye?"

"Kanye and Kim. ... Right, you wouldn't know them. ... You know what, actually, you don't even need to know. ... No one does."

After being tortured in captivity for three years, Sara (Dre Davis) gets a pop-culture crash course from Caleb (Tyler Blackburn)

"I get frightened sometimes that So You Think You Can Dance has created this sort of contemporary style that is all about reaching and emotion, and it means nothing."

Nigel Lythgoe, after a beautiful but befuddling performance