Quotes Of The Week For May 1, 2016

"Honey, it's Yemen. Life gives you Yemen... you gotta make Yemenade."

Despite giving her daughter full behind-the-scenes access for a documentary she's filming, Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) finds a punny way to get Catherine out of the room when conversation turns to Yemen

"You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped s—t in a synagogue."

With Bill Ericsson nearing indictment, Ben (Kevin Dunn) informs him that he shouldn't be entering the Roosevelt Room uninvited

"I want to take him into contract negotiations with me!"

Kelly Ripa references two weeks worth of behind-the-scenes scandals when making a joke about animal expert Peter Gros' noisy, smelly pal, a species known as the "screaming hairy armadillo"

"What are you doing?"

"Watching you sleep. Is that creepy?"

"I think it's sweet."

"I took some pictures."

"Less sweet."

"They're part of a series. Usually you don't wake up."

"...and now it's creepy."

Castle (Nathan Fillion) has his eye on Beckett (Stana Katic) — more often than she realizes!

"Does that sound like someone who worked for your father?"

"After this, we'll go talk to the middle-aged white man he employs. Oh, no, wait — there are several hundred."

Sherlock (Jonny Lee Miller) can't do much with a witness' description of a "plain, white man in his 40s"

"Just to be clear, are you comparing us sleeping together to crossing the event horizon...?"

"Yeah."

"It's quite lovely when you think about it like that."

Simmons (Elizabeth Henstridge) finds Fitz has a way with nerdy words

"Wait a second. Honey, Marvin and Deidre didn't go to college with you."

"Whatever. Doesn't matter. All white people look the same."

Louis (Randall Park) takes issue with Jessica's (Constance Wu) recollection of a college memory — but Jessica, as always, has her reasons

"Does this mean I have to look at the pretty boy instead of you this time?"

"You know I'm right here, right?"

"Relax. He called you pretty."

Kyle (Wilmer Valderrama), realizing that, since girlfriend Stephanie (Jerrika Hinton) was barred from his second surgery, he'd be gazing at Andrew (Giacomo Gianniotti) instead

"Ohhhh, I can't believe you know I live with my parents...."

"Honestly, it's not the biggest surprise of my life."

Brian (Jake McDorman) is mostly glad to see Piper (Georgina Haig) at his house, alive

"I was gonna wear a wig, but I was like, eh."

Bob the Drag Queen, accepting a compliment about his "hair"

"We are not going to exhume the dead guy in our garage. That is a haywire plan!"

"Donnie, my sister has a robot maggot in her face. You tell me what the solid plan is? [silence] Exactly. Now go rent a jackhammer."

"Maybe we should just buy one?"

Donnie (Kristian Bruun) and Alison (Tatiana Maslany) plot to dig up Dr. Leekie's remains

"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide."

Alison (Tatiana Maslany), responding to Donnie's suggestion that they don't tell Cosima the truth about how they acquired a Neolutionist implant

"Never underestimate the power of glitter."

Despite his grief over Liz's death, Red (James Spader) finds a few (literal) specks of light in the darkness

"And lastly this week, we turn to Norway: the left testicle in the frigid sea penis of Scandinavia."

"I've been drinking."

"I can see that."

Nothing about Veronica (Stockard Channing) slips by Alicia (Julianna Margulies)

"We were on the same cell phone sales force for over a year, and then one fateful night, I caught her at her absolute lowest point. Yeah. Four hard lemonades and one defective organic condom later, and booyah. I'm a 24-year-old cell phone salesman with a half-Cuban baby that looks nothin' like me. It's a tale as old as time."

As seen via flashbacks, Gerald's (Josh Peck) relationship with Vanessa didn't start out particularly romantic

"Can we not tell anyone you just carried me in your arms like a baby?"

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) isn't crazy about Amenadiel's swoop-and-scoop rescue

"Today was Take Your Child to Work Day. Or, as it's known in China, 'work day.'"

"You'd risk dying for a bauble?"

"It works with my outfit."

Mick (Dominic Purcell) is hot for Cassandra Savage's mystical bracelet

"Don't hate the player. Hate the game."

"I hate the game. I do, very much."

Danny (Scott Caan) is no fan of Toast's hit mobile game — and the in-app purchases his kid racks up playing it

"No offense, Ms. Hanson, but this is worse than when that harlot from Girls played Peter Pan."

Eileen (Martha Plimpton) warns the school's drama teacher that her zombie-filled production of Romeo and Juliet might not wow audiences

"I came to see a woman about a curse — a pesky sleeping curse, which you gave to my wife."

"If Belle preferred eternal slumber to one more moment with you, that's hardly my fault. I'd say her judgment's improving."

Rumple (Robert Carlyle) blames Zelena (Rebecca Mader) for his bride's hibernation

"So tell me — why hide 'the girls'? I mean, you've seen our body, right?"

Killer Frost (Danielle Panabaker) asks why Caitlin isn't more hot-to-trot

"We're going to find a place. Get off the road, find a phone, get a message to 2044."

"You know that's not how call forwarding works, right?"

Cole's (Aaron Stanford) plan is met by skepticism from Jennifer (Emily Hampshire)