Quotes Of The Week For March 3, 2019

THE BACHELOR

"OK, I want to apologize. 'Cancer of the house' was probably a little extreme... you were more like bedbugs. Like, I forgot you were there, and then you just kept annoying the s—t out of me."

Demi takes the time to clarify her insult about fellow contestant Courtney during the Women Tell All special

CORPORATE

"Today, people feel helpless, and they're trying to make themselves feel better, even though everything they're doing is misguided and futile and might even hurt other people. Like voting in a presidential election."

Jake (Jake Weisman) doesn't trust people rushing to social media to share their grief after a national tragedy — or anything, really

THE PASSAGE

"I had to make sure... that he was ready."

"Ready for what?"

"For what's coming next. The end is near, my dear."

"I don't do riddles, dude. Just say what you mean."

Amy (Saniyya Sidney) has no patience for Fanning's (Jamie McShane) cryptic warnings

SUPERSTORE

"It's complicated. There's good people on both... both sides."

Jonah (Ben Feldman) tries to downplay a protest against Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte and accidentally channels President Trump

GREY'S ANATOMY

"We're in the baby-hat place? Are you pregnant and you didn't tell me?"

"She asked me if we wanted kids and I said yes because we do... and she's making the hats extra big because I had an extra big head. Which, now that I say it out loud, probably sounds daunting."

Freaked out by her mother-in-law's baby hats, Jo (Camilla Luddington) gets some "reassurance" from Alex (Justin Chambers)

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"What do you know?"

"Read my face."

"Constipated?"

Alex (Justin Chambers), unable to glean from Meredith's (Ellen Pompeo) expression what she's withholding about DeLuca's dad

THE VOICE

"Males... I don't know if I wear some kind of repellent, but you never pick me. Males are like, 'That's sweet,' but you just don't pick me."

Kelly Clarkson, bewildered by her difficulties recruiting guys for her team

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"I put mousse in it while it's wet, then watch a scary movie."

Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) reveals his haircare routine to Amy

YOUNG SHELDON

"What are you doing?"

"I was going to watch DuckTales, but this looks funnier."

Missy (Raegan Revord) forgoes her afternoon TV privileges to instead watch Sheldon (Iain Armitage) fail miserably at the violin

SCHITT'S CREEK

"I'll cover you if any flies come your way."

"I have a spray for that."

David (Daniel Levy), proving to Patrick (Noah Reid) what a good "sport" he is

YOU'RE THE WORST

"As far as I can hypothesize, I have an optic yeast infection. Happens to the best home brewers."

A swollen-up Paul (Allan McLeod) demonstrates why no one should ever home brew and drive

WHISKEY CAVALIER

"What about the retinal scanner?"

"Lip gloss — same one Frankie used."

"I'm a man, I can't carry lip gloss." 

"Let's call it lip balm."

"Let's call it lip balm."

Will (Scott Foley) prefers gender-appropriate gadgets

SUPERGIRL

"What's that, girl? Trouble at the old mill?"

The Hat (Louis Ozawa Changchien) mistakes the snarling morae for Lassie

GOTHAM

"If we're really going to leave Gotham, we need to keep Gordon happy. [Points to pregnant belly] You know all about that, dontcha."

Penguin (Robin Lord Taylor) ribs Barbara about the "momentary slip" that has lifelong repercussions

GOTHAM (Bonus Quote!)

"Lucius, what if I were to tell you I have in my possession the most intoxicating perfume you've ever smelled?"

"I would tell you that's an abrupt change of topic."

And Lucius (Chris Chalk) would be right!

THE FLASH

"Oh, Lyla — this is my daughter, Nora."

"Your daughter?"

"I'm from—"

"The future, I'm guessing." 

"Weird, right?"

"No weirder than waking up one day to find out that your son used to be your daughter."

Parenting is weird in the Arrowverse

THE ORVILLE

"What is that?"

"Justice."

"Looks more like eggnog."

Gordon (Scott Grimes) lays eyes on his friend's Envall blood-infused bomb

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY

"Is there a valuable question in your arsenal?"

"Yes — do you actually think the beard is working?"

Spock's sister (Sonequa Martin-Green) with the sick (side)burn

ARROW

"I think it's a microcassette. My grandparents had an answering machine that used one of these." 

"What's an answering machine...?"  

Mia (Katherine McNamara) 20 years into the future, or your own teenager right now

HAWAII FIVE-0

"When I say the code word, get me out of here."

"What's the code word?"

"'Get me out of here.'"

Danny's ex-mother-in-law (Joan Collins) has a low tolerance for mouth-breather fans