Quotes Of The Week For Dec. 4, 2016

"I'm just worried about the conflict of interest. Like, I don't want people to think I'm buying the book because I'm sleeping with him, and I don't want to lose the book because I'm sleeping with him!"

"Ah, the old catch-69."

Kelsey (Hilary Duff) confides in Liza (Sutton Foster) about how to handle signing her new boyfriend to Millennial

"So Oliver Queen is the Green Arrow?... Oh my God, he just got so much hotter."

Iris (Candice Patton) learns the truth about the billionaire's secret identity, and she's a fan

"We're going up against a bunch of aliens, and you want to tell people that their lives might have been affected by time travel? One sci-fi problem at a time."

Oliver's (Stephen Amell) troubles during the crossovers are so different

"You know, I can walk myself... Beatrice walks alone and she's, like, 15 blocks away."

"Well, Beatrice also has a mom who let her watch Shameless in second grade and a d—khead banker dad who voted for Donald Trump."

Stacy (Abigail Dylan Harrison) will have to work harder if she wants to convince Helen (Maura Tierney) that she's old enough to walk to school by herself

"My name is not 'doll,' or 'sweetheart,' or anything that sounds like a baby. The women here have actual names — I'm sure you can learn them. It's not that hard, kind of like making coffee for yourself. You're a rocket scientist, figure it out."

Lucy (Abigail Spencer) lets loose on a 1969 NASA numbskull

"Just the other day, I was telling Gloria Estefan what a shameless name-dropper Catalina is."

"Did you tell Oprah, too?"

"No, just Gayle."

Rogelio (Jaime Camil) slams Catalina for name-dropping... while Xiomara (Andrea Navedo) points out the irony of that

"You're gonna have to Melania Trump the hell out of this situation. Yes! Snatch from the best!"

Candace (Vivica A. Fox) encourages Cookie to borrow liberally from the words of powerful African-American women in an attempt to impress her new boyfriend's wealthy mother

"I'm Lucious Lyon, Cookie's ex-husband. That woman right there is my wife Anika. She just gave birth to my granddaughter — my son's baby mama, I know it's crazy. He somehow got her pregnant during the time he was proposing to his fiancée, and getting left at the damn altar. "

Lucious (Terrence Howard) turns his introduction to the mother (Phylicia Rashad) of Cookie's new love interest into an act of sabotage

"I'm gonna get us that case. Terry's gonna meet his hero."

"Oh, no. Never meet your heroes! [whispers] Marie Callender was a real bitch."

As Jake (Andy Samberg) prepares for a case involving Terry's favorite author, Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) rains on his celebrity-meeting parade

"It's not about the math. They haven't seen each other because of the night shift. They just need to bone."

"What?! Gross! Rosa, those are our dads! [off Rosa's look] I mean, that's not what I think. Captain Dad is just my boss."

"Wow."

"Never mind! I'm teaching Father the math!"

While helping Capt. Holt and his husband through a math-related spat, Amy (Melissa Fumero) reveals to Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) how close she actually feels to her superior

"They're thirsty, thirsty little girls who need a drink. And I can't provide water for them."

Restaurant DJ James Kennedy — aka "the white Kanye West" — laments the lack of hydration among SUR's female staff

"The seeds of a ripe dragon fruit, drizzled with exactly one ounce of acacia honey, prepared in a ceramic bowl, no plastic. What is this spell?"

"It's breakfast. It's Vince's rider. I've seen worse."

Castiel (Misha Collins) mistakes Lucifer's rock star vessel's demands for magic until Crowley (Mark Sheppard) explains the ways of divas

"That bun seems really painful."

Detective Sanchez (Dawn Olivieri), taking a shot at more than Cornell's hairstyle

"Get some sleep. You look paler than that girl from iZombie. And she's a zombie."

Kareema (Sarayu Blue) compares Evie to The CW's former Tuesdays-at-9 inhabitant

"Nice clothes. Shop at an alien Gap?"

Nate (Nick Zano) eyeballs Oliver's extraterrestrial loungewear

"Guys, we have to find Oliver and company, and I'm not talking about the cherished Disney animated film starring Billy Joel."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) wouldn't be Cisco if he didn't throw in a movie reference while searching for his abducted friends

"I swear to God, if this trade falls apart—"

"You can tweet that it's my fault — hashtag #IDontGiveARatsAss."

Oscar (Mark Consuelos) is ready to catch flak for letting trade bait Mike enter the game

"As much as I'd like to see 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Douche,' I'd actually like to win this. I was pointing at Maze."

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) assures Dan that he won't be needed to slug it out with a Chinese gang member

"It's a right of passage for a mother to hate the girl her son is with. The ember of hatred will grow into a wildfire, and eventually your one joy will be cutting a few subtle inches off her hair while she sleeps."

Bow (Tracee Ellis Ross) had better sleep with one eye open now that mother-in-law Ruby (Jenifer Lewis) is openly discussing her evening hobbies

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting tired of losing to this rat-faced son-of-a-bitch. He's not going to take anyone else away from us on my watch, am I clear?"

Prentiss (Paget Brewster) is itching to cross out Mr. Scratch

"Do we look that stupid on comms?"

"Ghost" Coulson (Clark Gregg) gets a candid look at S.H.I.E.L.D. agent life

"They are out of their minds. Driving off against orders? With no helmet??"

Director Mace (Jason O'Mara) reminds that safety comes first, after Mack speeds off on his motorcycle like a bat out of actual Hell

"And Bernard? If you go looking for the truth, get the whole thing. It's like a good f—k: Half is worse than none at all."

Maeve (Thandie Newton) applies a crude metaphor to Bernard's search for the truth about his existence

"See, this whole time y'all thought you were having breakfast with Winston, but it turns out y'all been sitting with James Wonder. I'm talking about my alias... I combined the names of my favorite singers: Stevie Wonder, and Jaaaaaaaaames Blunt."

Winston (Lamorne Morris) divulges the name he'd use if he ever went undercover — and, in doing so, reveals his eclectic taste in music

"They always talk girls when they think I'm asleep. The things they would do to Emma Watson. [pauses] We have to warn her!"

Dylan (Kyla Kenedy) on her brothers' nighttime chats

"Hey, skirt. Call me."

Supergirl seems to have won over Mick Rory (Dominic Purcell)

"He's 12 years old, Marjorie, and he's getting high. I can't help worrying he's going to need his college fund for bail — and then he's going to find out I never started his college fund."

Christy (Anna Faris) has more than enough reason to be concerned about Roscoe's recent drug use

"Kids need space. Take it from me."

"Is that why I didn't see you my entire sophomore year?"

"You're welcome!"

Bonnie (Allison Janney) encourages Christy (Anna Faris) to give Roscoe the space that he needs

"You have to swear that you'll never come back, that you'll never tell anyone about us — not even your own people."

"Why would I come back?!"

Tara (Alanna Masterson), taking a break from fleeing for her life to reassure Cyndie (Sydney Park)

"They say brains and beauty are a hard combo to find, and Sierra's just really pretty. So pretty."

Kate, paying an attractive fellow crew member a backhanded... insult