Quotes Of The Week For Jan. 17, 2016

"'Please wrap'? Wait a minute. I've waited 20 years for this, you gonna wait."

Taraji P. Henson doesn't care what the monitor says — she won't be cutting her long-awaited acceptance speech short

"It's like Goodnight, Moon for adults. With blowjobs!"

Does Liza (Sutton Foster) know how to pitch a new book, or what?!

"If you can't say anything helpful, Robert, please be silent."

These words, from the Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith), prove you're never too old to get shut down by your mom

"Alive is definitely better than dead."

Finally, something we hear on Teen Wolf makes sense! Thanks, Mason (Khylin Rhambo)

"There is no 'reality television' out there that can match the drama we just saw."

NBC Sports' Cris Collinsworth tries to sum up the rousing finish to the Arizona/Green Bay game

"Excuse me, but I have to tinkle. Where's your john? Oh, I forgot! Oh... yes... pardon me. Could you direct me to your 'Jonathan'?"

Sophie (Jennifer Coolidge), only momentarily forgetting that she's pretending to be posh in front of Caroline's snooty grandmother

"One of my professors taught a chimpanzee how to play the saxophone. We all think he's great, but he only plays jazz, so there's no way to tell."

Alex (Ariel Winter) fills in her dad about the wonders of her freshman year at college

"She's seen every episode. On purpose."

Ravi (Rahul Kohli) explains to Clive that Liv is a superfan of the TV show Zombie High

"It's something women in their twenties order so they can feel better about drinking in the morning."

Caroline (Kate Lambert) explains a mimosa to her grade-school students

"So if you're an angel, do you fly?"

"No, we are flightless. Which technically makes us poultry."

Amy (Jane Lynch) wings it during a speed round of questions from inquisitive Allison (Maggie Lawson)

"I'm a business major! I know major amounts of business!"

Axl (Charlie McDermott), protesting that he's overqualified for his internship