Survivor's [Spoiler] Reveals One Regret That 'Eats Me Up Every Single Day'
The following contains spoilers from last week's episode of Survivor.
Kendra McQuarrie now knows what a "million-dollar chicken" tastes like.
Winning a trip to the Survivor Sanctuary is typically a pretty big reward, but with the immunity necklace around Bruce's neck, Kendra was left at the mercy of Drew, Julie, Dee and Austin — all former members of the Reba tribe — who were antsy to continue offing their Belo adversaries. Despite her best efforts to get in tight with Emily, Drew and Austin, even her former tribemates Jake and Bruce decided to cut the rope, punching Kendra's one-way ticket to Ponderosa. (Read a full recap here.)
Below, Kendra talks to TVLine about everything that went wrong, from her decision to not throw the immunity challenge and sabotage Bruce, to her one major regret that "eats me up every single day."
TVLINE | So you didn't win Survivor, but is there any chance you'll be partaking in a career as a Drew Barrymore impersonator?
KENDRA MCQUARRIE | That's what I'm saying! It's so funny. I've been a server/bartender for 13 years now and at least once a night, a couple times a week, I have a table saying, "You know who you remind me of?" I go, "Drew Barrymore?" and they're like, "Yeah!" Or if I lose my voice, I get a little Emma Stone, too. I'm just waiting for Drew to start watching Survivor to be honest. [Laughs]
TVLINE | After Bruce won immunity, how nervous were you that you could become the target or were you confident that the votes were going to fall on Jake?
You could never not be nervous if you do not have immunity or an idol to help you. I knew I was on the chopping block, which is why I was pushing so hard in that challenge. I had to win it. But I had this thought like, "Is that a million-dollar chicken? Should I have thrown that?" I had thoughts back and forth. But yeah, I was certainly nervous and when Julie brought up wanting to get Jake again, I knew he was on her radar. She had been talking about being at the bottom of Reba. I saw her and Bruce as potential people to move forward in the game with. So that was kind of my move on Jake and saving myself and just being like, "OK, if I can show Julie I'll be loyal, maybe Bruce, Julie and I can move together as three."
TVLINE | How surprised were you that your former Belos voted you out as well?
I totally black out during Tribal Councils usually, so I didn't even think about it at the moment. I was just like, "It's me." I was shocked a little bit. I know I said it was a blindside but it wasn't a blindside. I could feel it coming all day. After I got voted out, I was just so mad. I was so frustrated and [producers are] trying to talk me down so I could do this exit Interview. I'm like, "What do people even say during these things?" I felt it coming and I really regret not playing my Shot in the Dark, even if it didn't hit, just to let them know that I knew what was going on. I felt like for Bruce, it was maybe his better move moving forward because I really was all-in on Bruce to work with him moving forward and I did my best to make him feel that way. But you know, you've got to [practice] self-preservation. If that's where the numbers are going, I guess that's where the numbers are going.
TVLINE | You never considered that people could've been lying about whether they lost their vote on the journey or not. Is that a testament to how depleted you were out there?
No, it's not a testament of how depleted I was. I think it was that Emily was so visibly upset about losing her vote. She was crying. She was like, "I just have to go take a swim in the ocean." She was very upset. Katurah was extremely upset about not having her vote. And then Austin I remember being just very quiet and I was like, "Did you really lose your vote?" He was like, "Yeah, it sucks." That's what he gave me. He's not super emotional anyway. And so seeing how devastated Katurah and Emily were, it made sense to me that they actually lost their vote. They just talked about how hard it was so just from the emotional reactions that I was getting from two of the three, I really didn't think that they were lying.
TVLINE | Belo never made it to Tribal Council until after the switch. Did that have any effect on the tribe later down the road?
Absolutely. We were playing the game without needing to play it, talking about who we'd vote off, creating these boundaries within our tribe before we even needed to. And I think that definitely had an effect on our game and our unity moving forward.
TVLINE | Were you at all aware that Katurah was feeding information to the Rebas?
It actually came to a surprise to me that night. I had no idea. She ratted me out the night of Kellie's vote-out. Yeah, that was really surprising to me just because I didn't see that as a way for her to move forward in the game.
TVLINE | Why do you think she felt so ostracized by Belo?
I'm not sure. Katurah and I had a really good connection on original Belo and then we got split and I think she thought I also knew about Bruce's Idol, which I didn't until before that split vote. So we found out on the same day and I think she thought I knew. And so I think she distanced or put me in the same group as the rest of the other Belos when really, I was true and loyal to her and maybe was the only one who was actually true and loyal to her at that time.
TVLINE | Was there conversation about splitting up the Reba tribe? Why not go after a Dee or an Austin?
Yes and no. So something that wasn't really shown is after we sent Brando home, when I say to them, "I'd like to work with you guys moving forward," I really did mean it... with Drew, Austin and Emily. And so I'm keeping that waterway open for us to work with each other, which is why Drew doesn't go home on that six split. I was protecting him because I saw him as somebody I could work with. I was trying to break down the tribal lines at that point. But also, if that split doesn't happen, I think the Belos would have joined together to try to get Austin or Dee out for sure.
TVLINE | That split was rough, especially at that stage of the game, too!
It was gnarly. It's like, "OK, we just had a merge and we're gonna split again? Okey dokey!" Which is why it's so important to be adaptable. Even though they had burned me with the Brando vote, I really wanted to keep that open and I truly meant it. I was like, "No hard feelings, we'll move on, whatever," knowing that if I kept that open, I could get my revenge down the line. But here we are.
TVLINE | We know Kellie and Katurah's opinions of Bruce, but what was your take on him?
On the day that I go out, Bruce and I actually had our first really good time together and I really changed my tune about Bruce. I think with the chicken in his belly and an immunity necklace around his neck, he was able to open up to me on a personal level, which he had never done before. But we definitely struggled personally and on a gameplay level, in my perception, until that sanctuary visit where we got to really connect.
But as far as challenges went on old Belo and camp life, me and Bruce were on the same page. He's a coach. I'm an athlete. We really got each other when it came to the challenges. We both were very particular about the shelter. We wanted to make sure we always had what we needed. So I think on a lot of levels we were seeing eye to eye, but just never got a chance to connect personally.
TVLINE | What's something that happened out there that's relevant to your game but that didn't make the episodes?
The whole twist of me going over to Lulu. It ended up not being relevant, I suppose, but I think people would have seen a little bit more of my strategic agenda. When I was over at Lulu, I made alliances with Sean and Sabiyah, really securing it with them, but they didn't make it to merge so that's lost out there. [I was also] working with Emily while I was over there — just being able to see me move socially through a new tribe and make alliances that I was gonna bring come merge.
TVLINE | Do you have any regrets from your time out there or is there anything you wish you had done differently?
I really just wish I played my Shot in the Dark at that Tribal Council. Even if it didn't hit, it was my gut feeling and knowing that I didn't listen to my gut really just eats me up every single day. And even if it doesn't hit, just being able to look at them and say I knew what was going on is important to me. I feel such regret about that and I've never felt regret before in my life. This is a new feeling for me and it sucks.