Quotes Of The Week: Destination X, Buccaneers, The Daily Show And More
As you seek refuge from the summer heat this Sunday, take a dip in our latest edition of Quotes of the Week.
In the list below — which features our picks for TV's most memorable sound bites of the past seven days — you'll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including The Buccaneers, The Daily Show, Resident Alien and Beyond the Gates.
Also featured in this week's roundup: quotable moments from Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, Jimmy Kimmel Live! and Criminal Minds: Evolution, plus double doses of Destination X and America's Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Charlie Mason, Matt Webb Mitovich and Kimberly Roots)
THE BUCCANEERS
"She's still so young, really only a child."
"Nan is a year older than I was when your husband took me to his bed."
Nelle (Leighton Meester) isn't going easy on her estranged sister (Christina Hendricks)
DESTINATION X
"I grew up all over the world: Korea, Philippines, Turkey. You'd think I'd want to join the military and make my dad proud. Problem is, look at these nails."
Military brat JaNa knows a good manicure must be protected at all costs
DESTINATION X (Bonus Quote!)
"Have you guys been around Europe a lot?"
"Not at all. I've been to all seven continents, but none of Europe."
Considering this is a geography competition of sorts, Ally is doomed
LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"When you show footage of the world's chillest zebra, looking bored in a flying hammock, you don't call that 'being hoisted in a helicopter harness,' you call that what it is: 'Last Week Tonight bait.' And in case it wasn't clear, you got me. Because look at me right now. I'm squawking zebra news at you and Disney isn't even paying me to do it."
RESIDENT ALIEN
"Never mentioned me? Not once?"
"No, that is not accurate. I always called you Asta's useless appendage."
D'arcy (Alice Wetterlund) is insulted that Harry (Alan Tudyk) never mentioned her to McCallister
THE DAILY SHOW
"You are a sexier, younger Pedro Pascal."
Jon Stewart marvels at the handsomeness of the show's lighting designer, George Gountas, who won the Pedro Pascal lookalike contest in New York
BEYOND THE GATES
"OK, why is there a neurologist here?"
"Because she's Chelsea's new girlfriend."
"Oh. That's... that's... wonderful. I, I, I had, um... had no idea that Chelsea was... or that Madison was... seeing each other."
"That's a lovely sentiment, sissy. Grammatically torturous but lovely."
Dani (Karla Mosley) gives Nicole (Daphnée Duplaix) credit for trying to absorb her niece's romance with her Garland Memorial colleague
CRIMINAL MINDS: EVOLUTION
"Don't take it personally, Evan. Tara has some trouble letting her guard down. Sometimes I even have to check her for weapons before we go to bed."
Rebecca (Nicole Pacent) jokes to her ex about loving a Leo
AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS: DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS (Episode 1)
"Hi, I'm Madie. I'm 18 years old, from La Porte, Texas. This fall I will be an incoming freshman at Texas Women's University in Denton. An interesting fact about me is I've never eaten a raw vegetable before."
Interesting!
AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS: DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS (Episode 4)
"And then can I get a Sprite?"
"Starry?"
"A Sprite."
"Starry?"
"... Starry? Oh, I thought you said, 'Sorry? Sorry?'"
Abby is a rookie at training camp — and the Taco Bell drive-thru
OUTRAGEOUS
"I'm pretty certain that, deep down, Hamish prefers men."
"No, no. No, he doesn't. Why does everyone say that? He doesn't. We discussed it. He assures me not."
"Of course he doesn't admit it. Bloody hell, a man could be thrown in jail for that. But I was in school with him. I've witnessed him in action."
"You've actually seen him in bed with another boy?"
"I've been in bed with him."
Tom (Toby Regbo) has an awkward, yet necessary, conversation with his sister Nancy (Bessie Carter) about her longtime boyfriend
THE SNAKE
"Drinking gross things somehow made me miss prison."
Ex-con Bryan made quick work of a glass of curdled ricotta cheese mixed with cow heart puree
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
"Trump did post about Juneteenth. He wrote, 'Too many non-working holidays in America. Soon, we'll end up having a holiday for every once working day of the year.' Says the guy who just had a birthday parade for himself. Says the guy who has been in office for 150 days and has golfed 37 times that we know of."