Quotes Of The Week: The White Lotus, Heels, Nine Perfect Strangers And More

If you watched The White Lotus' season finale and thought Shane's feces-related rant to the front desk might make our Quotes of the Week cut... well, you were right!

Fortunately, that's the only sound bite in this week's compilation that involves a bowel movement. (Whew!) Elsewhere in our collection of TV's most memorable dialogue, you'll find an animated Thanos pitching his "snap" plan to other MCU characters on What If...?, John Oliver's accurate assessment of Jeopardy!'s now-booted new host, and not one, but two absurd lines from Tyler Perry shows. (And he has no plans to write less ridiculous scripts.)

This week's roundup also features double doses of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Ted Lasso, plus quotable moments from Nine Perfect Strangers, Heels, The Chair (read premiere recap) and more.

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!

"It is genuinely hard to imagine a five-word phrase less welcome than 'we know who you are.' Aside from, obviously, 'new Jeopardy! host Mike Richards.'"

"My friend, that sounds an awful lot like genocide."

"No, no, no, because it's random. [Snaps fingers]"

"Uh-huh."

"And, I might add, efficient."

Even at a mixer for the good guys, Thanos (voiced by Josh Brolin) pushes his snappy plan

"Bachelorette No. 1: If you were in a relationship, who would your celeb 'hall pass' be?"

"Whoa..."

Nicole was wise to mystery guest Joey From Blossom's identity early on!

"O'Sullivan wants me... to wear this 'Never Forget' burrito ribbon."

"Weird! It's the exact same color as my colorblind awareness ribbon."

"No, it's not."

At least we know Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) isn't faking being colorblind

"...I track down Dianne Wiest and you finally try and use your hall pass? You're smiling, so I guess that one's it. Oof. Going with Wiest, huh? I've gotta be honest, Boyle: I'm not so sure you can pull that off. I mean, her career is red hot. She just did a movie with Streep!"

He may not have cancer, but Charles' reaction to Jake's (Andy Samberg) bucket list suggestion indicates he still has a big ol' Wiest infection

"You be back here next week! That's right — one week from tonight, you and me, in the Main Event!"

"Any time, any place!"

"I just told you the time and place, stupid!"

Jack (Stephen Amell) invites Ace (Alexander Ludwig) to challenge him for the belt

"Shut the f—k up! Because every time you open your mouth, dumb and d—ks fall out."

Victoria (Kron Moore) has never been one to mince words with her husband's mistresses

"Do you know what 'posterity' is?"

"Does it have to do with your butt?"

Ji-Yoon's daughter Ju-Hee (Everly Carganilla) is so close to getting what Bill (Jay Duplass) is saying, and yet so far

"Yeah, I'm in the Pineapple Suite, and there's a f—king turd in my room! Someone got in here and took a s—t, not in the toilet, in my luggage. On my clothes! What the f—k? No, it isn't anyone in my party. It wasn't me, and my wife doesn't s—t on the g—damn floor!"

Disgruntled hotel guest Shane (Jake Lacy) definitely has a good reason to complain this time

"That's the rumor. She mixes and matches her guests like a cocktail."

"Not sure how I made the cut."

"Well, I guess you must be really f—ked up."

"Oh, just your run-of-the-mill a—hole."

Tony (Bobby Cannavale) tries to figure out why Tranquillum House leader Masha accepted his application

"You got two bitches in my house and one of them on top of you."

Andi (KJ Smith), upon discovering Gary during his, um, sexual healing session with his therapist and a model in her bed

"If all those attractive people, with their amazing apartments and interesting jobs — usually in some creative field — can go through some lighthearted struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.... Believing in rom-communism is all about believing that everything is going to work out in the end."

Romantic comedy fan Coach Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) shares his worldview with the team

"Shut up, just shut up. You had me at coach."

Roy (Brett Goldstein) paraphrases Jerry Maguire and accepts Ted's offer to come coach