Quotes Of The Week: American Gods, WandaVision, NCIS, Bachelor And More

Stuck indoors all weekend? Then you may want to peruse our latest Quotes of the Week compilation, which makes visits to Snowpiercer's post-apocalyptic train, American Gods' current Lakeside locale and — the most dramatic place of all — the Bachelor mansion.

Following another week of television, we're highlighting the most memorable dialogue of the past seven days, from broadcast to cable to streaming.

In the list below, you'll find one of Darcy Lewis' many quotable one-liners from her WandaVision debut, Last Man Standing's latest in a string of Season 9 meta moments, Shadow's call-out of Lakeside racism on American Gods, and not one, but two NCIS appearances — one of which does not actually come from the CBS drama itself.

Also featured in this week's roundup: sound bites from Search Party's Season 4 finale (read post mortem) and Resident Alien's series premiere (read post mortem), plus Prodigal Son, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, Batwoman and 9-1-1, among others.

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!

"When bands break up, they never really get back together, no matter how many times Beyoncé teases us with Destiny's Child Super Bowl reunions."

Sara (Lindsay Mendez) is concerned that Judge Benner is splitting her, Sherri and Ness up while Lola is on maternity leave

"Give us a minute, Powell."

"Ugh, a whole minute? Come on, Gil, can't we just jump to the end? You say, [in an exaggerated Gil voice], 'A fire?! You started a fire in an airtight vault?! Have you completely lost it?!'"

"That's a little performative, but sure."

Bright (Tom Payne) has gotten scolded by Gil (Lou Diamond Phillips) so many times, he can actually recite the reprimands before they happen

"I want to say that I love you... everything about you. Even the ugly parts. I don't have much longer, so just know that I'm with you always. I just want to thank you so much for being able to see me for who I am when I couldn't. I just want to say that I loved being your friend. You found me... you found me."

Dory (Alia Shawkat) films a goodbye message to her friends after she's locked in the basement of a burning house

"How are you supposed to tell it's shaped like Mark Harmon...? He's not specific enough."

Neil (Ted Danson) considers Arpi's offer of NCIS character-shaped vitamins

"I have heard that Anna wants to go first, but like, that's not happening. Sorry, Anna. I'm Elsa, and you're Anna. So let it go, bitch. I'm going first."

Victoria gives Anna the cold — actually, downright Frozen — shoulder for trying to get some one-on-one time with Matt

"FBI, Army, saw the Air Force Office of Special Investigations out there... Research Lab, Space Command, too... a bona fide joint multi-service response. Really looking forward to the commemorative T-shirt."

Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings) takes stock of the many, many agencies S.W.O.R.D. has recruited to make sense of what's happening in Westview

"Was [Gibbs] trying to give himself an update...? That is so sad."

Wait until Jimmy (Brian Dietzen) hears how Gibbs tore out all of McGee's computer hardware!

"The answer is simple. It's nighttime. I'll just break into that kid's house and kill him. I'll say one thing about whiskey: It's allowing me to make smart, rational decisions."

A drunken Harry (Alan Tudyk) plans to murder a 10-year-old boy, the only town resident who can see his true alien self

"Got word the 'H' is just west of here. There were some hikers in the area."

"Guess they should've bought a vowel."

Father-to-be Chimney (Kenneth Choi) gets a head start on the dad jokes

"But it's not finished yet! She's only got one wing—"

"I guess she'll be flying in circles then. Come on."

Chris (Lina Esco) clears out a shady tattoo parlor

"Believe it or not, I'm not here to kill you, Pennywhistle. If I was, I'd just 'swipe left' and delete you."

Alice (Rachel Skarsten) pops up in Julia's back seat

"I told you not to go out there, baby. We are not outside people."

"Then why did we put in a pool?"

"I like to stunt!"

Dre (Anthony Anderson) and Bow (Tracee Ellis Ross) can't handle the heat when outside temperatures soar

"Lakeside's not that kind of place."

"Lakeside's still in America, right?"

Police Chief Mulligan (Eric Johnson) insists to Shadow (Ricky Whittle) that he wasn't racially profiling him when he questioned him about a teen girl's disappearance

"I saw so many white people in the lobby, I thought I stumbled into a cooking class."

Reporter Tatiana (Alvina August) scoffs at the idea that Sprq Point is diverse while interviewing Simon

"Johnny Depp plays the guy who kills a lot of people, but they're happy to die because it's better than listening to him sing!"

For someone who's never seen it, Becky (Lecy Goranson) gives a pretty accurate description of Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd

"Well, people have said that we are the Venus and Serena of track. I mean, I said it. I'm people."

Sky (Halle Bailey), attempting a humblebrag to Jillian

"I am distinctly underwhelmed."

Alex (Rowan Blanchard) gives long-lost mom Melanie the big chill

"For the father, how about the — aha! — the dashing concierge from Pretty Woman."

"Never heard of it."

"All right. The urbane limo driver from Princess Diaries."

"I'm pretty sure that isn't a real movie."

"OK. What about the sophisticated doctor from Chicago Hope?"

"Yes! I love him! Mandy Patinkin! I'll make some calls."

Ed (Héctor Elizondo) runs some very meta casting ideas by Jen (Krista Marie Yu)