Bachelor In Paradise Cliffhanger: [Spoiler] Can't Poop, May Have To Leave

One of the Bachelor in Paradise singles may be going home early because... well, because she can't go.

Toward the end of this season's third episode on Thursday night, Sam Jeffries (from The Bachelor: Clayton) bellied up to the bar to confide in barkeep/Bachelorette Season 12 alum Wells that she has not been able to poop for nine days. And if she doesn't go by sunrise, a doctor told her, she will need to leave the premises to be admitted to a hospital.

Wells was quick to tell us that a confession of constipation was a first for him in his several seasons as the Paradise mixologist!

Before she went... or, didn't... Sam made a point to steal some quality one-on-one time that night with crush Aaron Schwartzman (of Bachelorette Season 20), sheepishly-yet-bravely revealing to him her discomfittingly distended condition. She said that if she cannot make and has to go to a hospital come morning, she will do so back in the States — and thus have to bid him adieu(-doo).

Aaron, bless him, was a great sport about it all, going so far as to declare that if Sam is able to deliver — remember, I'm just the messenger, folks — a "poo baby," that it will be "our poo baby!"

"I cannot wait to see her 10 lbs. lighter, and 10 lbs. happier" is something else he said. There was also talk of naming any "poo baby" Hope, because it'd mean hope for them as a couple. (Hallmark, I hope you were taking notes.)

Aaron, a firefighter (I believe) with some passing knowledge of homeopathic medicine and/or biology or something (I frankly don't know) did his valiant best to help Sam's cause, by plying her with spicy and oily food, and coaching her through lunges on the beach. Which seemed a bit on the nose?

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Nor am I making up the fact that THERE WAS A COUNTDOWN TIMER on-screen this whole time, ticking down the hours and minutes left until Sam would have to s— or get off... to the airport.

Following that ssssspicy meal, a pained Sam retreated to her bungalow to rub her distended belly. The episode then ended, teeing up a "Next Week on..." promo that was largely about whether Sam poops or not — dramatic smash-cut to a vacant toilet stall included!

"As the sun rises on a new day in Paradise," a teaser for next week reads, "charming new hopefuls John Henry and John B arrive, potentially breaking up one or more solid couples. Later, everyone's favorite bartender, Wells, introduces the Paradise Truth Box, leading to rocky waters for the beachgoers. Meanwhile, Sam tries to push through a recovery from her urgent medical issue before her chances of finding love are flushed down the toilet."

How do you think things will turn out for Sam? Or do you not give a....