What We Do In The Shadows Premiere Recap: Did Guillermo Bite Off More Than He Can Chew?
We all know that What We Do in the Shadows' Guillermo has always dreamed of becoming a vampire — but be careful what you wish for, Gizmo.
As Thursday's Season 5 premiere opens, Laszlo notices that Guillermo is acting strange, and he's determined to get to the bottom of it, "because I am the king of bottoms!" (Ha!) Guillermo tries to make an announcement to the other housemates, but they all tease him for not being a vampire, and he leaves in a huff, warning them: "I'm not going to be around forever." We flash back to Guillermo asking his friend Derek to turn him into a vampire in last season's finale — but just as he's about to sink his teeth in, Derek gets called back to work. Meanwhile, Nandor figures out why Guillermo is being weird: They forgot his birthday!
The vamps decide to take Guillermo out to dinner at a steakhouse where Colin Robinson is now waiting tables. ("The opportunities to feed in the service industry are just incredible.") Nadja confesses that she got so drunk, she accidentally sat on her mini-me doll and crushed her tiny legs. They gave her new legs from one of those dancing dolls, so now the doll lifts up her skirt and sings "I Feel Good." (She's humiliated, of course.) In the flashback, Derek finally bites Guillermo, and he hits an artery, with blood wildly spraying everywhere. Guillermo isn't sure the transition took, though, so he wants to drink Derek's blood to make sure. At dinner, the vampires are teasing him again, but they turn dead serious when they reveal that a familiar asking a vampire who isn't his master to turn him is "the greatest humiliation." Nandor gravely says he would have to kill Guillermo, and then kill himself. Oh... yeah, we didn't know about that rule. And neither did Guillermo.
After dinner, they head over to the mall where Nandor uses hypnosis to buy a Shrek T-shirt and rides the merry-go-round like he's riding a horse into war. Guillermo is still shaken by what Nandor said, though, and we flash back to him feeding off Derek's blood, which makes him convulse and pass out. When he wakes up, he doesn't much feel like a vampire: He can't turn into a bat, he can still walk in the sun, and "I don't feel any sexier." But the lady at the eyeglasses store at the mall tells him he now has better than 20/20 vision, so that's something.
Back at home, Nandor confirms that he would have to kill Guillermo and then himself if another vampire turned him. But he's still clueless, and he even got Guillermo a foot locker for his birthday, since he said he needed to go to the Foot Locker at the mall. Guillermo keeps his mouth shut for now — and climbs into the foot locker to sleep, using it as a makeshift coffin.
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