Chelsea Review: We Can't Handler The Truth Of Netflix's Drab New Talker
The fact that Chelsea Handler's new eponymous talk show, Chelsea, is on Netflix means you can tune in any time of day or night — and I say that as something of a threat.
"Nobody should have to watch me for longer than [30 minutes]," noted Handler, during a bleak interview with TED conference curator Chris Anderson, in one of the show's initial trio of episodes. The host then drove home that idea with a dim "comedy" bit in which she gave her own TED talk about time — the "punchline" of which was that new installments of Chelsea premiere on the streaming service every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Perhaps some day Chelsea will inspire a fascinating intellectual discussion about the perils of noisily promising something new on the late-night scene, then delivering the TV equivalent of an ancient burlap grocery sack: a good idea in its infancy, perhaps, but now on the brink of everything imminently falling out of the bottom with a messy splat.
It's a shame, really, seeing how the male-dominated non-daytime talk scene is in desperate need of female perspective. But in her first three episodes, a baffling aura of ennui permeated Handler's monologues (like babies and Stevie Wonder, she joked, she'd make a terrible designated driver), her pre-taped sketches (an entire and completely laugh-free segment was devoted to Handler's struggle to understand Spanish-language cues at a school for telenovela actors), and even her interviews (a Q&A with Captain America: Civil War's Chadwick Boseman opened with the host's lengthy diatribe about her disinterest in comic-book lore).
Look, I get it: Nobody loves every aspect of hers or his job — and I'm sure that applies to talk-show hosts as much as it does butchers and bakers and candlestick makers. But letting your audience feel that disdain seems like a dubious way to drum up repeat business.
Even worse, there's an icky tendency toward kissing up when Handler brings on one of her celeb friends (Gwyneth Paltrow! Drew Barrymore!) as a guest. As Paltrow rambled on about a recipe for organic lubricant in the sex issue of her online magazine, Goop, I was sure Handler would at least give her a mild ribbing about the widely reported $15,000 24-karat gold vibrator that the Oscar winner was selling. Instead, Paltrow got a chance to earnestly discuss the backlash she's experienced as a forerunner in the actor-to-insufferable-life-curator field, quoting the late David Bowie's warning: "Don't ever be the first person to try anything." Oy!
It's still early days, of course, so perhaps Chelsea's unfortunate opening week will turn out to be an aberration. But with a heavy reliance on recycled material about her love of mood-altering substances and black men, I'm not hopeful. After all, it's not as though Handler is admirably swinging for the fences and missing, she's striking out while attempting a bunt.
The TVLine Bottom Line: Oddly paced and unrelentingly unfunny, Chelsea is nothing to talk about.