Family Guy's 15 Funniest Episodes, Ranked

When you're tired of all the violence in movies and sex on TV, there's only one place to turn for relief: "Family Guy." Nope, you won't find any of that on there — and definitely not anywhere in TVLine's ranking of the show's 15 funniest episodes.

With more than 400 episodes to choose from across nearly three decades, narrowing down our 15 favorites was no easy task. Much like Meg's voice, the show's humor has definitely changed over time, so we did our best to look at the entire "Family Guy" catalogue while making our selections.

And it should go without saying, but we'll say it anyway: If you asked 100 "Family Guy" fans to make a list of the funniest episodes, we doubt any two of those lists would look exactly the same. So keep in mind that this is merely one editor's opinion, and if yours differs, that's OK. In fact, it's freakin' sweet. 

Scroll down to see TVLine's pick for the 15 funniest episodes of "Family Guy," then drop a comment with your own list of favorites.

When it comes to polarizing episodes of "Family Guy," it doesn't get much more divisive than its 2014 crossover with "The Simpsons," which fans seem to either love or loathe with absolutely no in-between feelings. As you can tell by its inclusion in this list, we happen to love the Griffins' visit to Springfield, but out of respect for the naysayers, we'll leave it at the bottom.

Aside from Peter and Homer's extended brawl (the whole chicken-fight thing was only funny once, and we're glad Ernie is dead!), this is a solid episode that finds clever ways to poke fun at the similarities between "Family Guy" and "The Simpsons." Seeing Springfield through a more depraved lens also results in some really dark humor, like when Stewie takes one of Bart's classic crank calls way too far.

If nothing else, this episode gives us a slow-motion carwash scene with Homer and Peter rocking Daisy Dukes, arguably one of the most cursed animated creations in recent memory — and we love it.

When a big-time art dealer happens to notice one of Chris' paintings while driving through Quahog, he sees great potential in the fart-pocketed youngster, inviting the entire Griffin family to New York City where his talents can be properly appreciated. Unfortunately (but not surprisingly), Peter's outlandish behavior makes him a liability for his son's budding art career, and Chris is pressured into severing all ties.

After striking out with Chris, Peter turns to Meg as his next hope for success, which he does in true Peter fashion — an elaborate parody of the musical "Gypsy" with a belted note that spans an entire commercial break. As for Meg's talent, it turns out to be bird calling, which leads her to accidentally summon a very angry Big Bird to Rockefeller Center. "Do you know what a pain in the a*s it is getting across town this time of day, huh?" the giant Muppet asks her. "I don't fly, you know. I take the subway like everybody else. Oh, and people don't stare. You make me sick." Big Bird then spits on Meg and calls her a bad name before making his dramatic exit, ensuring that no viewer will ever think of "Sesame Street" the same way again.

Everything ends up working out, with Chris — sorry, Christobel — doing a big exhibit all about Peter. The art world hates it, of course, but at least it brings Chris and Peter back together. The Griffin family gets one more surprise at the end of the episode when "heterosexual fashion designer" Calvin Klein spots Stewie on the street, making him the face (so to speak) of a new diaper line.

The next time you forget how long "Family Guy" has been around, just remember this episode, which was inspired by the worldwide fear-nomenon known as... Y2K! Gather 'round, children: A major concern at the turn of the century was computer systems not being able to correctly process the change from 1999 to 2000. Power grids failing, banks losing money, planes falling out of the sky — no fear was too out-there for those who believed. (You really had to be there.)

"Family Guy" took full advantage of the chaos, airing an episode on Dec. 26, 1999 in which everyone's worst fears about Y2K come true, and the Griffins are forced to build a new society alongside their surviving friends and neighbors. It's an episode loaded with classic moments, including one of the show's most memorable jokes when the Griffins come across a plentiful apple orchard on their journey. The catch? Randy Newman is there, and he's sing-narrating everything he sees, ultimately earning himself an apple to the head.

It also ends with an incredible parody of the infamous it-was-all-a-dream twist from "Dallas," with Victoria Principal and Patrick Duffy reprising their roles from the legendary soap. It's revealed that the whole "Family Guy" episode was a dream, one Pamela (Principal) relays to a concerned Bobby (Duffy). But when she tells him about her dream, he has one chilling question for her: "What's 'Family Guy'?" Dun, dun, dun!

When the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is purchased by El Dorado Cigarettes, Peter receives a major promotion that comes with perks for the whole family — including an ugly girl who gets paid to stand next to Meg at school, making her seem less ugly by comparison. Seeking a relatable moron to lobby Congress for cigarettes, the big bosses even send Peter to Washington, D.C., prompting an unhinged shot-for-shot recreation of the opening credits from Marlo Thomas' "That Girl." Encounters with the "School House Rock" Bill and a sleepy Bob Dole make for a memorable trip to our nation's capital, which ends with some surprising confessions about cigarettes.

It's a classic "Family Guy" episode loaded with ridiculous asides, including Martha Stewart cutting a fart in the Griffins' empty living room, a PSA from the cast about the importance of treating strippers with dignity, and a surprise appearance from live-action Alyssa Milano in which she threatens to sue over a joke Peter makes at her expense.

The Griffins are forced into witness protection in this early episode after Chris witnesses a robbery and is asked to identify the criminal. It probably doesn't help their situation that Peter gives the perp Chris' full name and school photo... which happens to have his school schedule and a list of his fears scribbled on the back.

The family starts over in the deep-southern town of Bumblescum, where they attempt to assimilate to varying degrees of success. Peter becomes the new sheriff (while battling some nasty raccoons), Stewie briefly joins a jug band, and Chris questions his sexuality after falling for a boy (no, wait, a girl!) named Sam.

This episode gets additional points for introducing Herbert the Pervert, setting the stage for his long-running infatuation with Chris. (Hey, can you blame him? That's one muscly-armed paper boy!) The unhinged messages Herbert leaves on the Griffins' answering machine are the cherry on top of a fantastic episode.

In addition to its ludicrously catchy title song, this episode also introduces "Family Guy" viewers to the concept of a Brian-and-Stewie episode, a formula which has been replicated countless times over the years. In their first adventure as a duo, Brian flies to Palm Springs to escort Stewie back home from his grandparents' house, but a series of mishaps lands them in a bit of trouble — the kind of trouble that ends with them skipping out on a hotel bill, stealing a car, and crashing a plane.

Their misadventure leads them to Brian's childhood puppy mill, where he discovers that his mother was stuffed and is now being used as a table. Stewie and Brian have a nice moment as they give his mother a proper burial, but "Family Guy" never forgets what show we're watching, especially during Stewie's awkward eulogy. ("I never new Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table.")

Back in Quahog, Lois asks Peter to watch a series of "relationship" videos to help their marriage, but the tapes — hosted by the saucy Dr. Amanda Rebecca — are revealed to have an X-rated, just-for-husbands segment, ensuring that they ask their wives to keep ordering more. Peter gets hooked, naturally, until Lois catches on and records herself into one of the tapes. What ensues is a hilariously confusing confrontation in which Peter apologies to Lois... for watching a video of Lois... then looks past Lois while they're kissing so he can see more of the tape... of Lois. Look, marriage is hard, OK?

In this tastefully titled episode, Peter develops an unexpected appreciation for chick flicks, inspiring him to produce one of his own. It goes about as well as you'd expect for a movie called "Steel V*ginas," with the finished product receiving less-than-positive reviews. But it isn't Peter's foray into filmmaking — nor his uncanny impression of Julia Roberts' iconic "Pretty Woman" laugh — that earned this episode a spot on our list.

For us, this episode is all about Stewie, who reunites with his old crush Olivia from his days in acting school, wooing her by treating her like garbage. (Maybe Quagmire isn't the best person to model your behavior after?) Because this is "Family Guy," Stewie and Olivia's version of playing house involves bickering like an old married couple, with things taking an especially dark turn when Stewie walks in on Olivia "playing" with another friend. Naturally, Stewie does the sensible thing, setting fire to the playhouse with Olivia and her filthy mister still inside.

When Brian is arrested for having a small bag of weed in his possession, he convinces Quahog to legalize marijuana, rallying support through one of the show's most iconic musical numbers. We're given a brief glimpse of what a 420-friendly Quahog could be, including a hilarious broadcast from those stoners over at Channel 5 News, but Carter soon arrives to spoil everyone's fun. He convinces Brian to help him re-criminalize pot in exchange for publishing Brian's awful book. Carter makes good on his promise, but it's all for naught, as Brian's book is panned by critics and fails to sell a single copy. Shocker.

Assuming you're willing to delve into some dark territory (and if you're watching "Family Guy," we assume you are), this episode's B plot is also hilarious. Quagmire becomes insufferable after adopting a cat named James, so the guys decide to prank their friend by giving James a little shave. When Peter "accidentally" kills James, they all agree to hide the body and say he ran away, with Peter adding insult to injury by raiding Quagmire's fridge for beer on the way out. The episode ends with Peter taking the reward money for finding James, telling Quagmire he killed the cat, and slamming the door in his face.

The ninth season of "Family Guy" kicks off with a classic whodunit, summoning some of Quahog's finest to a sprawling estate for a murder mystery that not everyone survives. It's a strong, well-crafted episode peppered with hilarious moments, from Quagmire's open disdain for his date (shut up, Stephanie!) to Peter's obsession with Derek's photo of himself "holding up" the Hollywood sign. And good luck getting Stewie's rendition of the "Dynasty" theme song out of your head once it's in there.

As a bonus, this episode is also responsible for birthing one of the most memed "Family Guy" moments. When Lois discovers that Diane Simmons is the killer, the newscaster tries to silence her for good, but Stewie snipes Diane from a distance before she gets the chance. Lucky to be alive, a bewildered Lois calls out to the void: "Whoever you are, thank you."

For this episode, we know exactly who to thank.

Brian may be the aspiring writer in the family, but it's Peter who finds publishing success in this episode when he pens a best-selling erotic novel titled, naturally, "The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish." It's an instant hit, even spawning an audiobook narrated by Betty White. (Yes, she actually voiced herself. That alone makes this episode worth including.)

Unfortunately, one fan gets a little "too hot" while listening to said audiobook in the car, resulting in a serious accident. This leads to a fat lawsuit for Carter, who was unwittingly named as the book's publisher, and his assets are promptly seized. After attempting to teach Carter the ways of normal people (and failing miserably), Peter helps him execute a series of get-rich-quick schemes, from stealing money out of Lois' wallet to filming their own version of "Dawson's Creek" that Peter takes way, way too far.

Babs, who previously left Carter for Ted Turner, then returns to Quahog with a game-changing (and incredibly convenient) announcement: she's divorcing Ted and taking half his money — she and Carter are rich again! All's well that ends well, right? Sure... except the episode actually ends with Peter fantasizing about killing Lois after she tells him that she once turned down a $10 million offer from her parents.

We love a good multiverse episode, and "Family Guy" definitely understands the assignment here, delivering plenty of fan service wrapped in legitimately funny jokes. Some of the alternate realities Brian and Stewie visit include one in which Meg is hot, one that looks suspiciously like "Robot Chicken," and one where Quahog's most famous residents are reimagined as singing Disney characters. (Let's just say the show takes full advantage of a certain rumor about Walt Disney, as it has several times throughout its run.)

They spend most of their time in a world where dogs are the masters of humans, thanks to Brian "accidentally" breaking the remote to Stewie's transporter. During their journey home, they encounter a human version of Brian who follows them back and vows to make something of his second chance at life... only to be immediately hit by a car. Can you believe it? The old Pearl Burton treatment!

After angrily slamming his fist onto Brian's gear shift ("I should be on 'Glee'!"), Stewie figures out how to operate a car, seizing the opportunity to go for a little joy ride. Unfortunately, he accidentally (and almost immediately) crashes the car trying to win Justin Bieber tickets over the radio. To add insult to injury, the tickets end up going to Herbert, though we doubt anyone in Quahog wanted to attend more than the town's resident pedophile.

Fearing Brian's wrath, Stewie runs away, only to be taken in by Consuela. By the time Brian tracks Stewie down, Consuela refuses to let him leave the house, forcing Stewie — sorry, Ernesto — to open fire and ruin what was otherwise a very lovely quinceañera.

Meanwhile, Peter strikes up an unlikely friendship with Ryan Reynolds, who moves in across the street while shooting a movie in Quahog. Between their tickle fights and dinners-for-two, Peter begins to suspect that Ryan wants to be more than friends, resulting in an uncomfortable conversation that ends with Ryan heading out of town... and out of Peter's life forever.

Music plays a big role on "Family Guy," and this episode — in which Peter and Quagmire discover they have the ability to harmonize, and therefore decide to start a two-man band — is loaded with memorable tunes. Not since Hall and Oates has a duo released so many bangers in such rapid succession, including: "Parents Are Gross," a cautionary tale about accidentally seeing your mom and dad naked; "I Can't Poop in Strange Places," a relatable song about the sanctity of one's home toilet; and "Pop Tart," a how-to guide explaining the deliciousness of buttering a Pop Tart.

And we're not even ready to talk about "Train on the Water, Boat on the Track." The rich sound of the all five-foot-one Black albino choir is simply perfection. When Peter butchers a live performance on "Conan," he and Quagmire decide to go their separate ways, but they eventually reunite... and kiss? Sure, why not.

This one's a little bit "Tootsie," a little bit "Mrs. Doubtfire," and all gold. Stewie wants to audition for a role on "Jolly Farm Revue," which is conveniently filming in Quahog of all places, but the casting directors are only looking for girls. His solution is simple: pose as an actress named Karina Smirnoff (what else?) and become the show's new rising star. The execution, however, is less simple — and not just because Stewie almost kisses Brian while in disguise. (Hey, it wouldn't be their first time!)

Stewie develops a crush on his female co-star, but he can't risk outing himself and blowing his budding acting career, so he's forced to lie, even pivoting between his two personas during an unexpected home visit. He does eventually out himself during a live broadcast, concocting an insane backstory about having a sister who shot herself in the face.

Meanwhile, fueled by feelings of inadequacy and rage after Peter belittles her for aging, Lois finds herself hopelessly attracted to Meg's new boyfriend Anthony. The good news? He's totally into it. The bad news? Meg catches them in the act, which Lois attempts to cover up with one of the show's all-time darkest jokes. In the end, Peter admits that he only mocked Lois because of his own self-consciousness about aging, so... at least someone learned a lesson in all of this?

When David Hyde Pierce accidentally exposes himself during the Emmy Awards — which Peter misses because of stupid Meg's stupid play — the FCC begins censoring everything on TV, down to bleeping out the title of the "Dick Van Dyke Show." Furious over this censorship, Peter creates his own television network, featuring incredible programming like "The Peter Griffin Side-Boob Hour."

The FCC tries to shut PTV down, prompting Peter, Brian and Stewie to perform an instant-classic ode to the overreaching organization. In retaliation, the FCC censors the Griffins' real life, from their fart jokes to their bedtime activities. In true "Family Guy" fashion, Peter gets the FCC's rulings overturned after reminding Congress that most of Washington, D.C.'s most beloved monuments all resemble intimate body parts.

It's also worth mentioning that this episode opens with Stewie infiltrating al-Qaeda and stopping Osama bin Laden from recording a hostile message for the US — not that he isn't having enough trouble on his own. Victorious, Stewie rides his bike through several iconic pop-culture scenes, running over Maria from "The Sound of Music" and Homer Simpson in the process. (Gee, who knew Homer would be getting so many shout-outs in this list?)