Quotes Of The Week For May 22, 2016

"I cry at the end of Legally Blonde 2. Does that sound like a murderer to you?"

Booth's suspect (Mitch Grassi) pleads his innocence

"I know how much Ziva really loved you. And I need to know that you know that, too."

"I do.... I think."

"Don't think. Know."

Abby (Pauley Perrette) has an important message for Tony (Michael Weatherly) before he goes

"For the record, I never called it Ecstasy. I just walked around Coachella and offered people $20 gummi bears."

Bonnie (Allison Janney) is not about to let her daughter accuse her of being a drug dealer back in the day

"I feel like I'm locking you into the patriarchy as I do this."

Professor Donaldson (Melanie Mayron) offers up some feminist commentary as she helps button up Jane's wedding dress

"Jane, please stop running! Your makeup will melt! Let me carry you!"

"No way! Then your makeup will melt."

"You're right! We'll reapply when we get there."

Father of the bride Rogelio (Jaime Camil) and Jane (Gina Rodriguez) have their (beauty) priorities in check

"Luann, you're having a dry spell? Really? You're dating the carpenter, the musician, the architect... I'd hate to see what's a wet spell for you!" "

Ramona, marveling at the fullness of her gal pal's dance card

"Does Leda mean anything to you?"

"Yeah, I love their eyeliner."

Art (Kevin Hanchard) tries to decipher just how much unaware clone Krystal (Tatiana Maslany) knows

"I just needed to get a break from the Hindu Grim Reaper out there."

Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) leans on Kent after receiving bad news about her mom's health

"Mom, why would you want to paint Meemaw in such a negative light?"

"Catherine, Thomas f—king Kinkade couldn't paint Meemaw in a positive light."

Catherine (Sarah Sutherland) takes issue with Selina's (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) choice of anecdote for her mother's eulogy

"And Aram — set him up with someone, for God's sake. He's like a kid with his first erection on the school bus."

Before leaving the FBI task force, Red (James Spader) encourages Cooper to play matchmaker for his IT whiz

"That didn't suck...."

"Oh, there was plenty of sucking."

Dasjfakjfhlkdsajfhl (that's the sound of our brains short-circuiting from this steamy exchange)

"I already wanted to tear Samaritan apart, turn it into an Atari. That's too nice. Scarred my beautiful girl. Maybe a Casio."

Root's (Amy Acker) idea of pillow talk involves creative revenge schemes

"What are you doing? We need a plan."

"I have one. I still have a fist. Gold, he still has a nose."

Regina (Lana Parrilla) is itching to deck the Dark One

"I don't know about you, but that was some of my best work — and in a car, which is not easy."

Nathan (Martin Henderson), evaluating his performance in the sack — er, backseat — with Meredith

"What's wrong with Owen?"

"Nothing's wrong with Owen!"

"Well, he could use some sun."

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), tossing out a funnier answer to Maggie's (Kelly McCreary) question than Amelia (Caterina Scorsone)

"I don't believe we've ever met before...."

With a knowing wink, the stars of the 1990 TV series The Flash — Amanda Pays and John Wesley Shipp — are reunited

"Liberty is a bitch who must be bedded on a mattress of corpses."

Lily (Billie Piper), plotting the rise of the fallen

"OK, it's official: This is the craziest Bad Guy Plan in the history of Bad Guy Plans."

Jackson (Franz Drameh) sums up what we're all thinking, about Savage's plot to blow up the world three times, simultaneously (or something like that)

"Every time they do that... I get hungry for chicken."

As Kendra and Carter fly up, up and away, Mick's (Dominic Purcell) tummy growls

"Lucifer, you know, at some point in time, you're gonna have to come out and talk to... God."

"This is like the worst episode of Full House ever."

Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) try to get an upset Lucifer to come out of his room