Quotes Of The Week For March 11, 2018

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

"In the spirit of full disclosure, if we find your girl and we can't get her out alive, I have my orders to neutralize the threat."

"You lay a finger on Hetty, I will kill you."

"We both will."

"Several times over."

Callen (Chris O'Donnell) and Sam (LL Cool J) "adjust" Jeff Carol's orders

NCIS: LOS ANGELES (Bonus Quote!)

"Do you like whiskey? Cannot find this in America."

"We try to keep roadkill out of our liquor."

Hetty (Linda Hunt) isn't impressed by Dang's hospitality

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"I bet you thought time travel would be seeing Woodstock, saving Shakespeare and having ethical debates while standing over Baby Hitler."

Zari (Tala Ashe) introduces newcomer Wally to the Waverider's chore wheel

IZOMBIE

"I understand. Most of my boyfriends have died in terrible ways, too."

Liv (Rose McIver) speaks from a lot of experience as she consoles a man whose girlfriend was murdered

IZOMBIE (Bonus Quote!)

"Clive won't eat soup dumplings because they have too many secrets."

Fun Clive fact, courtesy of Liv (Rose McIver)!

TIMELESS

"I'm sorry, was that not Captain Phillips' truck? He asked us to save Private Ryan."

Wyatt (Matt Lanter) gets cheeky when he and Rufus are caught trying to steal a car during World War I

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"According to reports, Taco Bell has sold 53 million orders of its nacho fries. The fries are so successful, they're thinking about expanding into Mexican food."

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Now from the very beginning, [Rex] Tillerson admitted he was an unconventional choice for Secretary of State, with no prior government experience. Oh, Rexy, 'no government experience'? Have you seen the rest of the Cabinet? We would have settled for 'has been to the post office.'"

Colbert's "Hungry for Power Games" alter ego Caesar Flickerman bids adieu to the recently ousted Secretary of State

UNREAL

"It's like Game of Thrones puked up Snow White."

Quinn (Constance Zimmer), "marveling" at the spectacle of Everlasting's fairy-tale challenge

THE WALKING DEAD

"I'm gonna set you up at that machine shop that you told me about. You're gonna have a full security detail at your disposal — everything that you need to keep your head in the game. Ya got Frankie there giving you massages, Tanya cooking... You know that gal was a chef?"

"I pictured social sciences... management... maybe running a drapes factory... Will there be wine?"

Eugene (Josh McDermitt) is only interested in one amenity of the bullet factory Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is putting him in charge of

THE BLACKLIST

"OK, then. How about we go outside, and I kick your scrawny, brown ass, and then take my witness?"

"First of all, it's more of a golden brown. It's a topaz. Topaz, really. And secondly, pardon my French, but you can back the hell off."

Aram (Amir Arison) refuses to be intimidated by Ian Garvey (Jonny Coyne)

CORPORATE

"My co-workers are my family! I know that because they constantly mistreat me and I desperately need their approval!"

Matt (Matt Ingebretson) feels right at home in his office... unfortunately

THE RESIDENT

"You come off too arrogant to fool anyone that you're incompetent."

"Thank you."

"Any time."

Nic (Emily VanCamp) doles out the truth — and Mina (Shaunette Renée Wilson) takes it as a compliment

THE MIDDLE

"I thought my reproductive system test would've brought up my grade, but it turns out I miscalculated. I thought I had two ovaries, but apparently that's not what mine are called."

Yeah, Brick (Atticus Shaffer) is totally failing health class

WILL & GRACE

"I know that Michael can be a little annoying..."

"A little? A little? Did Midge and Moose have a little problem with jingle-jangle on Riverdale?"

Riverdale superfan Jack (Sean Hayes) tells Grace (Debra Messing) just how big a problem he has with Will's boyfriend

WILL & GRACE (Bonus Quote!)

"People like me don't care about the problems of the white working class. That was just to win the election."

Trump supporter Karen (Megan Mullally) has no interest in the struggles faced by a small business owner

GREY'S ANATOMY

"I always thought that there was something wrong with me, and I always wanted to run... until I met you. You're so screwed up that you make me make sense. You and me... we just fit, and I don't want to leave you, Alex. I want a great, big, giant career, but... I never want to go anywhere without you. You are my home, and you are my heart. Alex Karev, will you marry me?"

Jo (Camilla Luddington), popping the question between kisses

JANE THE VIRGIN

"Why would I help you? You're the reason I'm in here."

"Actually, you're in jail because of all the people you murdered."

"Potato, potahto."

An imprisoned Rose (Bridget Regan) gets a visit from Rafael (Justin Baldoni)

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE ALL STARS

"Girl, they came back more than me. Who keeps letting them back in? Baby, lock the door!"

Shangela rightfully objects to the eliminated queens returning (again!) to judge the finale

SCANDAL

"I will not be another Fitzgerald Grant and Olivia Pope — nor am I interested in sleeping with someone who has slept with Olivia Pope."

Mellie (Bellamy Young) immediately shuts down Jake's advances as only Mellie could

GOTHAM

"According to my spies, Sofia and Jim were carrying on an affair — until Jim ended it. So technically, your ex has been sleeping with your dead husband's mafioso sister."

"OK, Ed. I get it."

Nygma (Cory Michael Smith) gives Lee the overly detailed lay of Jim's romantic land

THE FLASH

"How about this: We alter each bus meta's DNA by performing intercellular surgery?"

"We're not Frankensteining innocent people."

"DeVoe wants these bodies. Maybe if we change the bodies, we keep people safe?"

"Don't you have, like, six PhDs? Which one of them is in mad science?"

"Mad Science is just an area of study, it's not a degree."

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) refuses to be the Igor to Harry's (Tom Cavanagh) Dr. Frankenstein

THE FLASH (Bonus Quote!)

"... the minute you start acting like Locutus of Borg and start assimilating everybody with your Borg chair—"

"You can vibe me back to my Earth. OK?

Cisco (Carlos Valdes) states his terms for helping Harry with his Thinker-like cap

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Mack, enough. Seriously, if I had arms, I would strangle you right now."

Elena (Natalia Cordova-Buckley) may be a double amputee, but she doesn't need double the doting

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)

"Hey, 'Mackhammer' — you can't touch this."

Coulson (Clark Gregg) can't resist a perfectly timed poke at Mack's old nickname

BLACK LIGHTNING

"Dad, you know how I feel about the woods... Black people die in the woods."

"Yes — in horror movies. But only after the monster kills the white nerd. We don't have one of those with us, so you're good."

Anissa (Nafessa Williams) and her dad (Cress Williams) review the rules of horror movies