Quotes Of The Week For April 19, 2020
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from April 19 through April 25, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
brockmire-jerry-orbach-quote
BROCKMIRE
"I won Celebrity Jeopardy blackout drunk. I kicked Jerry Orbach's ass. [Silence] Oh, yeah, I should've realized Jerry Orbach wouldn't translate. Imagine if a loaf of rye bread came to life and started arresting everybody..."
An inebriated Jim (Hank Azaria) provides a ridiculous (yet apt?) description of the late Law & Order star to his Filipino bartender
jimmy-fallon-pepsi-meth-quote
THE TONIGHT SHOW: AT HOME EDITION
"Pepsi now owns Mountain Dew and Rockstar Energy Drinks. Pepsi, who are you fooling? Just start making meth and call it a day."
killing-eve-close-your-eyes-and-breathe-quote
KILLING EVE
"Geraldine, why don't you go and do your thing where you... close your eyes and breathe?"
"Do you mean sleep?"
"All right."
In the wake of losing her son, Carolyn (Fiona Shaw) is a bit scatter-brained
the-bachelor-listen-to-your-heart-brain-crunch-quote
THE BACHELOR: LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
"Julia likes Brandon. But of all the guys that I've spent time with, I feel like Brandon... he makes my brain crunch, and he makes my heart feel warm. And that's a really rare combination. At the same time, by the way."
Honestly, we're not sure what Brandon is making Mel feel... but we guess it's good?
zoeys-extraordinary-playlist-kept-that-cardigan-quote
ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST
"No, no, Leif. We agreed this was light and fun."
"But things change. People change. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a cardigan I wore two years ago."
"But you kept that one?"
Joan (Lauren Graham) briefly interrupts her breakup with Leif (Michael Thomas Grant) to insult his fashion sense
what-we-do-in-the-shadows-burns-my-eyes-quote
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
"That is worse than a Bible. That burned my eyes."
Searching a neighbor's house for a cherished (and screaming) heirloom, Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) instead finds a hideous handbag
too-hot-to-handle-chloe-really-dumb-quote
TOO HOT TO HANDLE (Episode 6)
"No one tell the new guy that I'm really dumb, please."
All Chloe wants is a chance to charm new arrival Kori with, um, her non-brain attributes
insecure-wipe-me-quote
INSECURE
"I'm gonna need one of y'all to wipe me. Happy Halloween."
Kelli (Natasha Rothwell), doing perhaps too good a job of "nailing" Halle Berry's B.A.P.S. costume
rhobh-big-dick-quote
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS
"Thank God I have a man that truly loves me, loves my kids and has my back — and he still has that big d—k."
Denise Richards should write Hallmark cards, really
will-and-grace-finale-long-enough-quote
WILL & GRACE
"Everything's gonna be so different... a whole new life. A new house... kids... We've always just been Will and Grace."
"It's OK."
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe we've been Will and Grace long enough."
Grace (Debra Messing) and Will (Eric McCormack), saying goodbye to their old lives... and us
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RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE
"Jeff Goldblum is the dinosaur doctor. I don't know if that's his real life, but I love a man who knows about dinosaurs."
Needless to say, Jaida Essence Hall was not disappointed when she met this week's guest judge
vanderpump-rules-twerking-clubbing-quote
VANDERPUMP RULES
"My doctor said he doesn't want me doing anything active, like twerking or clubbing."
Scheana Shay is such a medical marvel, she should be featured on an episode of The Doctors. (Oh, wait, she has been!)
ncis-los-angeles-hanson-reunion-quote
NCIS: LOS ANGELES
"You must be Moretti."
"And you must be late for the Hanson reunion tour. So let's get talking."
Deeks' (Eric Christian Olsen) get-to-know-you session with NCIS tech operator Rhea Moretti (Anna Akana) gets off to a hairy start
legends-of-tomorrow-supernatural-season-15-quote
DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW
"It's the crew! Wait, if they're dead, who's shooting Season 15?"
Dean Winchester fangirl Sara (Caity Lotz) stumbles upon the body of a Supernatural crew member in the Vancouver forest
last-man-standing-everything-is-sharp-quote
LAST MAN STANDING
"Mandy and I... are terrified. There is so much danger everywhere. Everything in our apartment is sharp."
"Well..."
Mike (Tim Allen) bites his tongue when the dimwitted Kyle (Christoph Sanders) stresses about bringing a child into this world
macgyver-bucket-of-wee-quote
MACGYVER
"It's incredibly unhygienic. Your face is right up against that bucket of wee."
The Merchant (guest star James Callis) finds Mac's eavesdropping device to be icky
flash-carrie-mathison-quote
THE FLASH
"Ohhhhh-kay, Carrie Mathison — red string much?"
Cisco (Carlos Valdes) spies Ralph's intricate Sue-tracking map