Quotes Of The Week For March 22, 2020

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from March 22 through March 28, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

THE SIMPSONS

"I dreamed my whole life of legalized weed. Turns out it's a real buzzkill."

"Ain't that the truth. Times have changed. The romance of alcohol is fading into the past. Stoners will never know the joy of sitting on the toilet and barfing into your own underwear, or picking a fight with a guy twice your size because his leg touched your car."

Otto (voiced by Harry Shearer) and Moe (Hank Azaria) aren't adjusting well to marijuana becoming legalized in Springfield

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

"Seriously? Another table?"

"Again, I could have shot him."

"Uh-huh."

Sam (LL Cool J) busts up more furniture to bring down a baddie

NCIS

"No, don't you dare judge my husband. He was a good man. He did what he had to do to protect his family."

"From what? Making an honest living?"

Bishop (Emily Wickersham) wonders what a POI saw in her hacker/thief of a husband

BATWOMAN

"We buried a body this morning. When did you have time to eat?"

Alice (Rachel Skarsten) indulges herself with a POI's homemade brownie

TIGER KING (Episode 2)

"About an hour ago... one of our employees stuck their arm through a cage and the tiger tore her arm off. I can give you your money back or I can give you a rain check."

Exotic animal zoo owner Joe Exotic makes a candid announcement to an unsuspecting tour group visiting the park

SUPERNATURAL

"How is the big lug? I liked him. We had a good thing... until he killed me."

Ruby (Genevieve Padalecki) has fond memories of Sam

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"I can't feel my face!"

"And not to be rude, but is that something you can normally feel?"

"Oh. Right. I guess I'm fine!"

Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) thinks he's been legitimately hurt by an exploding box of glitter, until Jake (Andy Samberg) reminds him what's normal

PRODIGAL SON

"Classic Couvade syndrome. Also known as sympathetic pregnancy. Tally's pregnant."

"The thing's the size of a peanut, and you're already profiling it."

JT (Frank Harts) is annoyed at how quickly Malcolm (Tom Payne) sussed out that he and his wife are expecting

ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST

"I'm not who you think I am. I am a mutant. I am the X-Men meets The Voice."

Zoey (Jane Levy) desperately tries to convince Max that her superpower is a real thing

ONE DAY AT A TIME

"Did you decide what we're watching for movie night?"

"No. It's like there's nothing good on Netflix anymore."

An exchange between Penelope (Justina Machado) and Alex (Marcel Ruiz) culminates in a dig at the Latinx reboot's former streaming home

THE GOOD DOCTOR

"I always knew I could be a good doctor. But until I met Lea, I never knew I could drive a car, or enjoy music, or sing karaoke, or take tequila shots... or fall in love. I don't want to stop being the person I am with her. Lea makes me... more."

Shaun (Freddie Highmore) explains to Vera why he refuses to move on from Lea

SUPERSTORE

"Oooh! OK, white Whitney!"

Garrett (Colton Dunn), upon hearing Celine Dion for the first time

MACGYVER

"Look at me. This is my serious face."

"That's your everything face."

Desi (Levy Tran) tries to convince Mac (Lucas Till) that something is amiss in the restaurant's kitchen

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GREY'S ANATOMY

"For the first time that I can remember, no one in a 50-mile radius depends on my breasts for survival."

Teddy (Kim Raver), more excited than most to be attending a medical convention