Quotes Of The Week For March 31, 2019

SUPERGIRL

"So, why are we in the 'burbs?"

"Well, I realized that Eve is in love with Lex."

"Crazy Lex girlfriend?"

It's only fitting that Kara (Melissa Benoist) and Lena (Katie McGrath) should drop this Crazy Ex-Girlfriend reference just days before the CW comedy aired its series finale. (Never forget: Crazy-Ex star Rachel Bloom wrote a song in the Supergirl/Flash musical crossover episode.)

VANDERPUMP RULES

"He's in bed, but he doesn't want to be, like he's my freaking prisoner. I want him to want to be my prisoner."

Stassi's expectations for boyfriend Beau are... very Stassi

BROCKMIRE

"I want to assure you that I'm no Louis C.K. or Charlie Rose — although I did once roleplay as John Lasseter at a Pixar-themed orgy."

Jim (Hank Azaria) assures Gabby that he'll be on his best behavior in the broadcast booth

SUPERSTORE

"This hole punch? It's only supposed to be able to do 18 pages, but one day, I got it to do 25. I went straight home and made love to Jerusha that day."

If you've ever wondered what gets Glenn's (Mark McKinney) motor running, now you know

THIS IS US

"You won the lottery. You won it twice: once, when you got adopted, and again, when you met Beth. I don't know what's going on between you two, but you've gotta get it together. You owe it to the world that let you win the lottery twice."  

Deja (Lyric Ross) gives Randall a much-needed wake-up call

BARRY

"Don't f—k with me, Barry. It's not polite."

Chechen mobster Noho Hank (Anthony Carrigan) levels a chilling — and oddly formal? — threat at Barry

THE TWILIGHT ZONE

"I wanted to make people laugh. I did not want to make them disappear! I wanted to be the next Chris Rock, not evil David Copperfield!"

Newly successful comedian Samir (Kumail Nanjiani) is horrified by the strange power that his idol, J.C. Wheeler, bestowed upon him

YOU'RE THE WORST

"Hey, you know that there's always a possibility that someday I might leave my phone and keys at home and step in front of a train. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. But I'll move on really quickly. Like, record-setting."

Non-marrieds Gretchen (Aya Cash) and Jimmy (Chris Geere) exchange their version of wedding vows, we guess

THIS IS US (Bonus Quote!)

"Blockbuster's not going anywhere."

Jack (Milo Ventimiglia), assuring Young Randall that it's OK if they don't return their Hook rental to the then-ubiquitous video chain within 24 hours

WILL & GRACE

"This is so hard. I've realized that I am... Why can't I say the word? Why can't I just say it? What's wrong with me? Why am I so ashamed? Why can't I just speak my truth and be who I am? Nikki... I'm straight."

"There are children around!"

Miss Coco Peru (Clinton Leupp), responding to Karen's (Megan Mullally) reverse-Ellen moment over the airport P.A. system

GREY'S ANATOMY

"A potato wouldn't have cooked in the time that I was in there."

Catherine (Debbie Allen), scoffing at the severity of her radiation treatment

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"Karev did something better than us."

"And he can never know."

Bailey (Chandra Wilson) and Webber (James Pickens Jr.), marveling at the brilliant way the interim chief had pawned off his paperwork on the interns

VEEP (Bonus Quote!)

"I've been wanting to ask you: Have you seen how Amy is hovering over Dan? I think they're hooking up."

"Dan is not dippin' his pen in that ink stain! Plus, she's getting kinda fat in the front. Did you see that?"

"It is literally all I can think about."

Gary (Tony Hale) and Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) gossip about Amy, who they don't yet realize is pregnant

VEEP

"Ma'am, FYI, we're tracking a school shooting in Spokane, Washington."

"Oh. Muslim or white guy?"

"Don't know yet."

"Which is better for me?"

"White guy."

"Fingers crossed."

Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and her team respond to a tragic shooting exactly how you would expect them to

IN THE DARK

"Your other senses are heightened."

"That's not a thing. I'm not Daredevil. I just smelled him."

Murphy (Perry Mattfeld) schools a detective on what it's like to be blind

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

"Ordinance. What does it mean? Webster's Unabridged Dictionary defines 'ordinance' as..."

"Energy vampire" Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) begins a feeding frenzy at the city council meeting

BLUE BLOODS

"You're about to become the daughter-in-law of the PC and the former PC. You're going to have to accept that some people are going to try to use you."

"To do what, win a women's softball game?"

Jamie (Will Estes) strikes out when advising Eddy (Vanessa Ray) not to join a police organization

PROVEN INNOCENT

"This place is rockin'. Really makes me rethink my lifestyle choices."

"Being gay is not a choice, Bodie."

"It is if you love Fox News."

Bodie (Vincent Kartheiser) zings Fox's sister network. Someone check and see if he is OK.

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"Oh, you've got to be kidding.... Vandal Savage. That's a real name?"

"And here's me thinking that Damien Darhk's moniker was a touch on the nose."

Charlie (Maisie Richardson-Sellers) and Constantine (Matt Ryan) can't deal with Ray's Legends-themed playing cards

ON MY BLOCK (Season 2, Episode 10)

"Ain't none of those dudes gonna help you dig that tampon out when it goes missing. Hell no! That's your girl's gig. Your girl who gets you and sees you and will be there to comfort you when you realize that...it's just lost mija. That bloody cotton is gone forever. 

Jasmine (Jessica Marie Garcia) graphically explains one of the many benefits of female friendships to Monse (Sierra Capri) 

SANTA CLARITA DIET (Season 3, Episode 8)

"You know that Knights of Serbia group that hunts people like mom and you didn't join for some f–king reason...?" 

"Yes. To protect you. Also, language." 

"All right. Well, they couldn't find someone for this area. So now the head of the whole effing organization is flying out here to handle it her effing self, so we're all effed in the A." 

"That was worse. That's like watching Scarface on TBS." 

Abby (Liv Hewson) informs her clueless parents about the impending arrival of the Grand Knight Prior