The Bachelorette: Chad's Best (Final) Moments

The promos assured us we'd get blood tonight, and we did... in the first five minutes, no less!

Sadly, Evan's bloody nose was not the result of a run-in with Chad's fist. (Though Chad did suggest that Evan bleeds just thinking about him, which was kind of gross.)

In fact, I have to hand it to Chad. The sultan of steroids really held it together after getting a lecture from Chris Harrison.

That said, he did take some of his anger out on a poor, unsuspecting flamingo floatie.

(My God, the carnage!)

Then came the first big twist of the night: A rose?! For Chad?!?!

In an attempt to "get away from the drama," JoJo relocated the guys to a Pennsylvania resort, giving Chad another opportunity for a shirtless nature reflection...

...and this bear was literally the only creature willing to listen to his thoughts.

"It's not wise to poke the Chad Bear."

(Wait, the bear was a metaphor?! I like that this show isn't afraid to go deep.)

The next day, JoJo took a handful of her manimals to a football stadium, where — believe it or not — Chad was not responsible for the damage you see on James' face.

No, sir, Chad was back at the resort, where he revealed that his beard is fuller than ever.

Wait a minute. First a bear, now a bear(d)? Is there a conspiracy here? ... I'll keep working on it.

At one point, Chad literally took a survey to find out which guys still had a problem with him.

(Note: Neither I, nor those ratings-loving producers, raised our hands. #ChadForever)

Seriously, what's not to love about a guy who reminds you that this reality show is temporary, and that he won't hesitate to come to your house and beat you senseless once it's all over?

Despite the threat of having his teeth removed, Alex opened his big, beautiful mouth and revealed the full extent of Chad's glorious insanity to JoJo during their 2-on-1 date.

This was the final nail in Chad's coffin of love; JoJo gave Alex the rose and sent his nemesis packing.

And with nary a flamingo floatie in sight, Chad was forced to take out his anger on a babbling brook.

(I bet he was like, "I heard you've been babbling about me, bruh.")

Back at the lodge, the remaining contestants celebrated Chad's defeat.

(And probably made out when the cameras weren't rolling.)

Fortunately, this isn't necessarily the end of the road for Chad. His final interview suggested he plans on finding Alex when the show is over, giving me all the hope I need for a spinoff.

(Think a cross between The Bachelorette and The Catch. You'd watch it.)