Quotes Of The Week For Jan. 13, 2019

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

"This is the image you see when you take off your blindfold in Bird Box."

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"He gets a Hungry Man [dinner] for showing up late? Why is Timmy so special?"

"Oh, he's only special compared to the rest of you."

"Oh, you hear that? It's not you, it's us!"

Frank (Sawyer Barth), somehow satisfied by the way mom Peggy (Mary McCormack) justifies the VIP treatment she gives his rising-star brother

VANDERPUMP RULES

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I have to feel my feelings..."

"OK, well, can you feel them later?"

Stassi's mom completely honors her emotions... just not right now

CORPORATE

"You don't have to know someone's name to be in love. You can call a rose whatever the f—k you want. That's what I learned from Romeo and Julia."

Matt (Matt Ingebretson) is passionate about love... but not great with play titles

ALL AMERICAN

"As soon as those drug test results come in, I'll miss the entire playoffs. Everyone's gonna know why. I'll be the school druggie."

"That's my title! Stay in your lane."

Olivia (Samantha Logan) refuses to be overthrown by brother Jordan (Michael Evans Behling)

THE BACHELOR

"The last time I was around this many virgins, I was a guest on The View."

Special guest Billy Eichner succinctly sums up his visit to Colton & Co.

GREY'S ANATOMY

"He was blown in the ambulance bay."

Levi (Jake Borelli), explaining Nico's extended absence during the windstorm with an accidental double entendre

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"Please. I'm the one who said, 'Go to Germany, go see Teddy.' I should've said, 'Take condoms.'"

Amelia (Caterina Scorsone), sweetly refusing to let Owen apologize for getting Teddy pregnant

THE FLASH

"I stopped by the loft to pick up your blue suit. I figured you'd had enough of green."

"Hey, I made that green suit work, though."

Crossover humor, everyone!

NCIS

"A little room here...? Is this really how you sit with your dinner dates?"

"It's how they sit with me."

Surveying their snitch, Bishop (Emily Wickersham) gets up close and personal with Torres

NCIS (Bonus Quote!)

"You're lying."

"I promise! On my mother's good name!"

"Your mother's in prison."

Gibbs (Mark Harmon) has good reason to suspect their snitch snitched

THE ORVILLE

"Have you guys 'done it' yet?"

"Have... have we done it? Are you allowed to use that phrase after the age of 12?"

Gordon (Scott Grimes) wonders if Ed (Seth MacFarlane) and Lt. Janel have gotten past third base

GOTHAM

"Pen? Why is my countertenor out cold?"

Penguin's (Robin Lord Taylor) personal chorus is literally starving for attention

MANIFEST

"Daly, if you don't turn around, those planes will shoot you down."

"Not if I'm in the future...."

Attention, passengers, we are currently serving nuts in the cockpit...

FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE (Episode 6)

"You live, and then you die. And life is the spaceship between those two points. And I'm so happy to be on this spaceship with you guys. Maybe that's why they call it a friend-ship."

"Maybe."

"Could be."

"I don't think so."

A grieving Marianne (Jae Suh Park) receives support from her friends (save for Nick)

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"Gina Jargon [is] a world-renowned linguistics system that worked pretty well on Ellen Musk."

"Elon Musk."

"Ellen Musk."

"Season 1 winner of VH1's Queen Bitch."

Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) helps Gina (Chelsea Peretti) clarify for Amy (Melissa Fumero) her most successful linguistics scholar

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)

"If the van's a-rockin', my ex-wife's a-lockin'... me... out of her house."

Hitchcock (Dirk Blocker) shows off his dirty old sex van to Jake and Charles

HAWAII FIVE-0

"Now that I know you can hold your breath that long, I don't want to hear you complain when I bring take-out into the car, OK?"

In Steve's skill, Danny (Scott Caan) sees opportunity

MADAM SECRETARY

"OK, so I understand: We're negotiating an historic agreement with our greatest rival, and you guys are quarreling about a dog?"

"Well, anything sounds trivial when you put it like that."

Matt (Geoffrey Arend) tries to regain a little ground after Jay (Sebastian Arcelus) dresses down him and Daisy over pooch problems

A MILLION LITTLE THINGS

"What does the 'K' stand for?"

"Kicking your ass, apparently."

Maggie (Allison Miller) can't help teasing boyfriend Gary (James Roday) about his unpreparedness for an upcoming running race

THIS IS US

"Before I can give you any information, I need proof that you're his next of kin."

"How about nephew? Nephew's a big deal now. Think about Game of Thrones. Joffrey was next of kin to the super handsome, fit, blonde uncle guy?"

"Jaime was never in line for the throne. Joffrey ascended after his adopted father, Robert Baratheon, died."

Thrones superfan Beatrice (Bonnie Hellman) schools Kevin (Justin Hartley) on his knowledge of Westerosi lineage as he tries to access his uncle Nick's files

NEW AMSTERDAM

"Will you be my deputy medical director? [beat] Sorry, I don't know why that sounded like I was asking you to prom."

Max (Ryan Eggold) asks Helen to fill in for him

SINGLE PARENTS

"Did you know that photos could be on paper?"

"What?!"

"It's insane."

Young Sophie (Marlow Barkley) reveals some shocking information to Rory (Devin Trey Campbell)

THE GOOD PLACE

"There's this chicken sandwich that, if you eat it, it means you hate gay people. And it's delicious!"

Eleanor (Kristen Bell) points out how hard it is to live ethically down on Earth these days