Quotes Of The Week: Riverdale, Evil, Bachelor In Paradise, AHS And More

The unofficial end of summer is upon us, but we're not done celebrating summer television just yet.

On the contrary, our latest Quotes of the Week compilation features 15-plus sound bites from the past seven days of TV, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.

This time around, we've got an understandable moniker mix-up on DC's Stargirl, a recap of Archie's packed résumé on Riverdale, James Holzhauer's dig at a certain Emmy-nominated comedy on The Chase and a highly regrettable word uttered during Evil's (mostly) silent episode.

Also featured in this week's roundup: double doses of Big Brother and Bachelor in Paradise, plus quotable moments from American Horror Story: Double Feature, Only Murders in the Building, Roswell, New Mexico and more shows.

Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!

"You don't understand, it's really f–ked up what happens when you take them."

"I represent the producers of The Bachelor. F–ked up is my bread and butter."

Did Mickey (Macaulay Culkin) really think he could scare off Ursula (Leslie Grossman) that easily? She's clearly seen worse

"Earthlings eventually discover that mushrooms are actually an ancient alien species."

"So you're telling me I've had aliens in my mushroom masala this whole time?"

"Think about how weird mushrooms are! There's nothing else like them on Earth!"

Bishop (Raffi Barsoumian) opens Constantine's (Matt Ryan) eyes up to truth about fungi

"Sarah Beth is very convincing. I mean, she ran Alyssa over with the bus. Alyssa is in the ICU right now. That's how hard Sarah Beth came to get Alyssa on the block."

Head of Household Tiffany marvels at how quickly Sarah Beth sold out Alyssa in an attempt to avoid getting nominated for eviction

"Aw, Travis! Remember him? 'Cause I don't."

Honestly, Hannah, we barely do

"I ain't seen Raq in a minute. She looking all shapely and s—t."

Crown Camacho (Quincy Brown) compliments Lou-Lou's sister in a way that makes him feel mad uncomfortable

"I mean, a murderer probably lives in the building... but I guess old white guys are only afraid of colon cancer and societal change."

Mabel (Selena Gomez) isn't surprised to learn that an old white guy like Oliver doesn't lock his front door

"What are they looking for? The Shade, or Calypso?"

"It's E-clipso. Eclipso."

Barbara (Amy Smart) and Pat (Luke Wilson) scrutinize houseguests Crusher and Paula

"You want to be Emily in Paris? Much like that show, this offer is very disappointing..."

Safe to say that James Holzhauer is not a Television Academy voter?

"What have you done with my traveling companions?"

"They're being processed."

"Processed... as in administratively? Processed as in bologna or other meat stuffs? This enquiring mind needs to know."

Eugene (Josh McDermitt), trying and failing not to show Mercer (Michael James Shaw) how scared he is

"You're a good person, Frances. I know I keep saying that, but—"

"You have never said that."

"Really?"

"I keep saying that. Repeatedly. Hoping it'll catch on."

"Well, I knew I heard it somewhere."

Of all the guest banter at Tranquillum House, we enjoy Frances (Melissa McCarthy) and Tony's (Bobby Cannavale) the most

"Cheryl, I don't have any experience mining."

"Archie, you've been a soldier, a fireman, a football coach, a teacher and a bounty hunter. Is a miner so far outside your purview?"

Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) calls out Archie (KJ Apa) for his many, many, many vocations

"Look, man, I got kids, OK?"

"Hey, man, who doesn't?"

New dad Craig (Ben Robson) has no sympathy for the latest victim of his crime spree

"I look like the inside of an orange."

"Yeah. You look like a tropical Twizzler. You're like Two-Face. Half of you looks like you're in jail, and the other half looks like you're going to Mexico. You look like Tommy Bahama fell in a vat of Tang. I'm sorry my grandmother's couch had to die for your outfit."

Paradise bartender Wells was clearly waiting all day to unleash these digs at Connor's outfit

"Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for a great, godly man. May he also have, like, abs. Amen."

Tia knows what she's looking for on her second trip to Paradise

"Listen, alien puberty is rough."

Only on a show like Roswell, New Mexico could this line from Isobel (Lily Cowles) be delivered so casually

"Boo!"

Kristen (Katja Herbers) breaks the code of silence at the monastery, and all Hell breaks loose (literally)