The Simpsons' Best Characters, Ranked

We've spent so much time in Springfield over the past three decades, we almost feel like honorary citizens by now.

The Simpsons returns for Season 32 this Sunday (Fox, 8/7c), and through the years, we've gotten to know not only the nuclear family of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie, but the cast of seemingly thousands that populate the town, from annoying neighbors and fed-up teachers to TV clowns and space aliens. But which Springfield denizens have fascinated us the most across all 31 seasons so far? In other words: Who are the Best. Characters. Ever?

In honor of Season 32, we here at TVLine have selected and ranked the 32 best Simpsons characters of all time — and with such a sprawling cast, we could've easily gone to 50, so we had to make some very tough cuts. Who came in higher, Sideshow Bob or Krusty the Clown? Which Simpson family member ranks the highest? And which non-Simpson ended up at number one overall? (You might be surprised!) So grab yourself an ice-cold Duff beer and read on to see our full ranking, and then hit the comments to weigh in on who ranked too high, too low or should've been left off altogether.

First, though, some honorable mentions: Professor Frink, Dr. Hibbert, Mayor Quimby, Kent Brockman, Maggie Simpson, Reverend Lovejoy, Superintendent Chalmers, Sideshow Mel, Fat Tony, Jimbo Jones, Maude Flanders, Snake Jailbird, Rainer Wolfcastle (aka McBain), Bumblebee Man, Lenny and Carl, Itchy and Scratchy, Rod and Todd Flanders, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Hans Moleman, Duff Man, the Sea Captain and Crazy Cat Lady. (We treasure each and every last one of them.)

The bickering pair of space aliens are a staple of the "Treehouse of Horror" Halloween episodes, and they add a welcome bit of surreal sci-fi zaniness to the Springfield crew. Plus, their presidential run as Bill Clinton and Bob Dole in '96 was Simpsons political satire at its absolute peak. (Don't blame us: We voted for Kodos.)

This pretentious kid genius is often the butt of jokes from his fellow school chums, suffering many a painful wedgie over the years. But we appreciate how he's always stuck to his nerdy guns, wearing his hall monitor sash with pride.

"Seymour!" Principal Skinner's domineering mother is funny enough as a voice chiding her son from upstairs, but she's even funnier on screen, whether keeping Seymour firmly under her wrinkled thumb or having steamy liaisons with younger men like Comic Book Guy. (Yes, that actually happened.)

The pride of North Kilttown, Springfield Elementary's angry, drunken Scottish groundskeeper has a rugged charm to him — and a heck of a ripped bod, we might add. He probably doesn't like us, though. He doesn't seem to like anyone.

This head-banging burnout of a school bus driver has such a complete lack of ambition that we can't help but admire him. We probably wouldn't entrust him with our kids' lives... but we'd definitely hit up a Metallica concert with him.

Springfield's utterly inept, morbidly obese police chief has been making the boys in blue look bad for thirty years now; he's definitely eaten more donuts on the job than he's solved crimes. He is Ralph Wiggum's father, though, so... well, that's not really a point in his favor, either.

Milhouse's dorky father is the epitome of "sad divorced dad," down to his shabby bachelor apartment and his race car bed. (We'll never forget his stab at musical stardom, "Can I Borrow a Feeling?") Sure, he's an easy target, but he's also a stark warning for young Milhouse: Don't end up like this guy.

Homer's permanently soused best friend and his slurred ramblings can be a bit one-note — although his belch is sublime — but we like Barney best when he steps outside of Moe's and actually reaches his potential, like when he sobered up and almost became an astronaut, or when he crafted an artfully heartbreaking short film. We'll drink to that.

Hi, everybody! The dangerously incompetent doc will perform any surgery for the low, low price of $129.95. (Or he'll try to, anyway.) His upbeat attitude and general zest for life are infectious... as are many of his patients, unfortunately.

This brain-dead hillbilly and his dozens of kids bring a bit of rural color to the Springfield landscape, and his theme song is mighty catchy, too. "Most folk'll never lose a toe/But then again, some folk'll/Like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel!"

We've grouped Marge's cackling twin sisters together here, but they do have distinct personalities: Patty prefers the company of other ladies, while Selma's quest for male companionship has led her into the arms of Sideshow Bob and Troy McClure. But they share a love of cigarettes, MacGyver... and laughing at Homer's misfortune, of course.

Like Jack Lemmon in Glengarry Glen Ross but even sadder, this flopsweat-soaked salesman is so exquisitely pathetic, it almost hurts to watch him. Are we terrible people for giggling every time Ol' Gil flails around trying to keep a new business venture from crashing and burning? Well, yeah, probably.

Best. Character. Ever? No, not quite, but the rotund proprietor of The Android's Dungeon is certainly a scathing portrait of arrogant geekdom, bellowing his harsh judgments from atop a creaky swivel chair. In a way, he presaged the current nerd culture wave and Comic-Con craze... but we shouldn't hold that against him.

We wouldn't hire him, but we do enjoy watching Springfield's least qualified lawyer work his magic in a courtroom — especially since he's voiced by the late, great Phil Hartman. Sure, his grasp of the law is shaky at best ("I move for a bad court thingy"), but he's a real go-getter. If he doesn't win your case, at least he'll shine your shoes for a nickel.

We could all use a right-hand man as embarrassingly loyal as Waylon Smithers, pledging an undying devotion to his pathologically greedy boss Mr. Burns. Plus, he was a LGBTQ trailblazer almost by accident, becoming one of the medium's first prominent gay characters... in spite of all his efforts to keep that a secret.

Once a mere kids' show sidekick, this villain with distinctively frizzy hair and giant feet developed into a criminal mastermind, with Kelsey Grammer's velvety voice lending him a snooty, regal air. His relentless drive to murder young Bart Simpson is one of the series' most enduring running jokes — and is his rake-stepping mishap in Season 5's "Cape Feare" the funniest single gag in Simpsons history? We're not saying it isn't.

Huh? What? Oh, we just dozed off for a second in honor of this crazy old coot, who can spin a brain-numbing yarn like nobody's business. With Homer's crotchety pop, The Simpsons points out how the elderly are often mistreated and ignored in our society — and also mercilessly mocks how out-of-touch he is at the same time.

"Ha-ha!" Springfield Elementary's lunkheaded bully graced us with that pithy catchphrase, which alone would be enough to merit placement on this list, but we also love when we get a glimpse at the tender soul underneath the vest, like when he romanced Lisa or when he revealed his love for classic crooner Andy Williams.

Forget the earnest shaping of young minds: This man-hungry schoolteacher is just waiting for the damn bell to ring so she can smoke a cigarette in peace. Voiced by the late Marcia Wallace, Edna brings a biting cynicism to the role of educator (along with a great laugh), and her ill-fated romantic pursuits have been fertile comedic ground for decades. Is there anyone in Springfield she hasn't dated?

The recent controversy of his voice being provided by a white man has obscured the fact that the chipper Kwik-E-Mart manager is actually one of Springfield's more admirable residents. (Aside from a little price gouging, of course.) He's a hard-working Indian immigrant and small business owner who became a full-fledged American citizen — and he can dance up a storm, too. We just hope his beloved Ny Mets can win a World Series one of these days...

The shamelessly evil billionaire is one of several Simpsons characters who have become so iconic, they're now a sort of shorthand for describing people in real life. And our sympathies for any poor soul who has to work for a man who's anything like Monty Burns: the frail, heartless end product of capitalism run amok. We can't completely hate the guy, though; he's too funny for that.

We can't claim that Ralph is a particularly deep or complex character, but his utter stupidity is a joy to behold. Who among us hasn't told someone "My cat's breath smells like cat food" or "Me fail English? That's unpossible"? Besides, what he lacks in brains, he makes up for in sweetness, and him "choo-choo-choosing" Lisa to be his valentine was a stone-cold Simpsons classic.

The merry prankster was The Simpsons' very first breakout character, appearing on T-shirts everywhere and telling America: "Don't have a cow, man!" His antics are truly inspired — we'll always cherish his prank calls to Moe's — but he's also shown he has a heart beneath all the mischief. We're glad he's animated, because that way, he never has to grow up.

Leave it to The Simpsons to turn a wacky TV clown into one of the show's most layered and poignant characters. On the surface, Krusty is a happy-go-lucky jester, but underneath, he's a self-loathing, drug-addled sellout who hates his kid audience almost as much as he hates himself. He's a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of fame, but true to his profession, he can still make us laugh... in spite of his many, many flaws.

The series' unquestioned star, Homer has turned the cliché of "clueless dad" into high art: boorishly ignorant, startlingly lazy and always eager to indulge in a donut or a beer — or both. (In a way, he's the ultimate American... which is terrifying when we think about it.) At times, The Simpsons has relied too heavily on him to carry the plot, but to be fair, he has a seemingly bottomless well of comedic potential, and his love for his family does redeem him... at least a little.

Anyone who was ever picked on in school can relate to this lovable loser, who's allergic to everything and not even smart enough to be a nerd. He's an easy punching bag (literally) for school bullies, and his enduring crush on Lisa is pathetically hilarious, but gosh darn it, the kid just keeps bouncing back, doesn't he? One day, everything's going to turn up Milhouse, we can just feel it.

You may remember this D-list actor from such classic episodes as "A Fish Called Selma," which saw him revive his dormant career by romancing Marge's sister Selma... while keeping his bizarre sexual fetish for sea life a secret. With a toothy grin and a long list of obscure film credits, Troy delivered maximum laughs in mere seconds of screentime. It's a shame the untimely death of Phil Hartman forced the character into retirement — but then again, no one else could've done justice to Troy's cheerful narcissism.

Even when she's just in housewife mode, this blue-haired mom is a hoot, wrangling her unruly brood with peppy optimism and tough moral fiber. But Marge has been known to break out of her domestic shell from time to time, and we love seeing her spread her wings and try out being a cop, or a real estate agent, or a pretzel salesman. Her gravelly voice (provided by Julie Kavner) and disapproving "Hmmmmm" grumble belong in a museum, and without her to hold it together, the Simpson family — and probably all of Springfield — would promptly collapse.

This hopelessly stiff school administrator started out as a mere foil for Bart, but he's evolved into so much more: a hilariously uptight wet blanket, pitied by his students and hen-pecked by his elderly mother. Harry Shearer's droning voice is the perfect complement to Seymour's rigid brand of authority, and his awkward attempts at love and friendship have provided some of the series' funniest moments. Please don't fire him, Superintendent Chalmers... although you have ample cause to do just that.

The beady-eyed, hunchbacked bartender is one of The Simpsons' most unique creations: an easily irritated, gnawingly needy grump who always ends up getting the short end of the bar straw. His suicidal tendencies and complete lack of female companionship would be crushingly sad if they weren't so damn funny, and he's flourished when The Simpsons has given him the spotlight, whether revamping Moe's into a tacky family restaurant or getting plastic surgery to become handsome for once.

It was a tight race, but Lisa gets our vote as the Simpson family's best character. She overachieves as much as her brother Bart underachieves, and her formidable intellect and insatiable thirst for knowledge make her a hero to brainy outcasts everywhere. She's also been The Simpsons' moral compass as well, helping to ground her family's more outlandish adventures in common sense and decency. (And the show never hesitates to poke fun at her pompousness, too.) Lisa, you may be the middle child, but you're first in our hearts.

Well, howdilly-doodily, neighborinos! Hey, we're as surprised as you are at this result, but when we went back through hundreds of episodes of The Simpsons, good ol' Steady Neddy stood out among the rest, like a shining beacon of white-bread purity. He's a perfect distillation of a certain type of person we know in real life but rarely see on TV: the ultra-pious Bible thumper who's so darn friendly and polite, he ends up bugging the heck out of you. Homer's one-sided feud with him never seems to run out of comedic steam, and Ned is also one of TV's most nuanced depictions of religious faith, gently mocking his strict beliefs while still honoring his sincere devotion to God. (Plus: That mustache! It's iconic!) We know a lot of fans might not put Ned at number one... but that's okilly-dokilly with us.