Cape Fear Goes Fully Off The Rails With A Bizarre, Bloody Finale — Grade The Series!

When I initially reviewed Apple TV's "Cape Fear," I gave it a C+, mostly on the strength of Javier Bardem's performance as Max Cady. But that was just based on the first three episodes, and as the weeks went on, the show became more and more ridiculous and hard to take seriously. (Is Tom and Anna's daughter Natalie the dumbest person on television? Or is she tied with everyone else on this show?) Well, our long, exhausting ride has ended with the arrival of this week's finale — and they saved the most ridiculous twists for last.

We pick up with Max arriving at the houseboat owned by Juliette Lewis' Crystal, just as Anna has jumped into the water and escaped. Max demands to know where Anna is, and when Crystal admits she lost her, he roughly grabs her by the throat — and then shoots her in the midsection before shooting Luke, too. Max locks them up beneath the boat and then turns his ire to his father Robert, locking him in a dog crate and pouring gasoline over him before lighting his lighter and dropping it, burning Robert alive and setting the boat ablaze. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go open a restaurant," Max deadpans. The boat, along with all three captives, goes up in flames — and then explodes? Okay, sure.

There's a big storm coming — metaphor alert! — as Tom gets bailed out of jail and Anna flags down a car and gets a ride back home. At the opening of his restaurant (that was quick, right?), Max basks in the applause... until Anna crashes the party with her hand in a paper bag. She's not packing heat, though: She pulls out a speaker that plays the conversation where Nevaeh admits to Natalie she was terrorizing Anna's family on Max's orders. Plus, Anna somehow has FaceTime video of Max pushing Amy to take her own life? And plays it on a conveniently located TV for the whole crowd to see? Max flies off the handle and tries to strangle Anna before the cops tackle him and take him away. Well, Max is finally caught. The story's over, right? Well, we're only 12 minutes in, so probably not.  

Natalie arrives home to find her brother Zack wandering around dazed in the yard. "A lot has happened," she tells him. (Boy, we'll say!) Tom visits Anna in the hospital — oh yeah, we almost forgot she got stabbed in the hand last week — and they breathe a sigh of relief: "We got him." Yeah, about that: Max moans in the back of a police cruiser that he needs his medication, and the cop is dumb enough to believe him. (For the hundredth time this season: Don't trust this guy!) Anna and Tom return home for a tearful reunion with Natalie and Zack, but they don't have long to relax until the police come knocking, telling them Max assaulted a cop and escaped. They offer to search the house for Max — it's the least you can do! — and they advise Anna and her family to leave before the storm hits. 

Tom is tired of running, though: He grabs his shotgun and plans to stay behind and "eliminate the threat, for good." Anna protests, saying they have real evidence that can send Max to prison — you're still counting on that to save you, girl? — but Tom rightfully asserts that Max will not stop until they're dead. The cops come up empty on their search for Max and head out. (Hey, maybe leave a cop or two behind, just in case? Since this is your fault?) But yeah, they didn't check everywhere, because as the cops leave, we pan up to see a crazed Max standing in the rain on the roof of the Bowdens' house. Just look up, cops! No one bothered to look up? 

Once the cops are gone, but before the Bowdens can evacuate, Zack hears thumping on the roof and follows the sound into the hallway and over to a window. He opens the window (why?) and sticks his whole head out of it (why?!?) to look up and see Max crouching on the roof. Max then somehow pounces on Zack and lands inside the house? Does that even make physical sense? We're way past questions like that, aren't we?

Max puts a blade to Zack's throat and holds him hostage, getting Tom to give up his shotgun and surrender. Now Max has the Bowdens where he's wanted them all along, and he herds them into the kitchen where he has Tom, Anna, and Natalie tied up with zip-ties and then plunges a big syringe of tranquilizer into Zack's neck. Max then hosts his own court proceeding, accusing Tom and Anna of conspiring to put him in prison. Anna admits that there was a leak from the jury room during his trial, and they were deadlocked. Anna was scared of Max and didn't want him to go free, so she had him take a plea deal to make sure he was behind bars. She was afraid Max was Natalie's father, and she calls him a monster, but Max fires back that they made him a monster. Anna also tries to say Luke was Max's son with Crystal, but he denies it because Crystal couldn't have children. Hmmm.

The storm sends a tree crashing through a nearby window, and Max calls to the heavens for justice, seeing visions of his dead wife and son and telling them, "I'm going to be with you today. Finally. I can't wait." He declares Tom and Anna guilty and is ready to sentence them to death when Anna stops him cold with a bombshell: Luke was actually his son... with his wife Melissa. She shows Max the birth certificate that says Luke was born in an "unsupervised" home birth, and reminds him of the huge scar on Luke's side. Crystal killed Melissa and tore baby Luke out of her pregnant body, Anna says: "Your sister stole your baby, Max... and you killed your own son." Max dissolves in tears — and we can relate. (This is all very confusing.)

The revelation distracts Max long enough for Natalie to burn through her zip-tie with a lighter, and she runs off... only to hide in a nearby room? Girl, keep running! She does grab a nail gun, though, and when Max catches up to her, she puts one right in his skull, sending him to the floor. But don't worry: He pops right back to life like Michael Myers and casually plucks the nail out of his skull. Zack tackles him, though, before he can shoot Natalie, and Tom and Anna free themselves, with Anna stabbing Max in the back. He hobbles outside where Tom tackles him into the pool, holding Max underwater to drown him. "Kill him!" Natalie screams — and we have to agree! — but Anna tells Tom to stop: "Let him die in a cage." What?!? Didn't we just spend 10 episodes learning that a cage will not hold this man? Anyway, they pull Max out of the water, and he weakly coughs while the Bowdens share a family hug.

We cut to a sunny day where Natalie joins her parents and Zack by the pool for some freshly grilled burgers. (She also has an envelope with her DNA results, but she doesn't open it.) The family all laughs and smiles together, and it seems like a happy ending — until Anna glances behind her nervously and the screen turns red. So she's not so safe after all.

Dear reader, we are left with so many questions. Why didn't the Bowdens kill Max when they had the chance? So Max was really innocent of everything before he went to prison? Was Natalie really Max's daughter? Is Max's restaurant still opening? Why are the cops in Savannah so bad at their jobs? And most importantly: Why did we just spend 10 precious hours of our lives watching this hot mess? 

That's our take, but we want to hear yours: Give the "Cape Fear" finale — and the season as a whole — a grade in our polls, and then hit the comments to give us your thoughts.